First Ever Annual..

Wow! One year ago, well, more than a year ago, I started this blog. A safe haven for me to vent my feelings about my family, friends, personal life, amongst other things that you probably don't need to know. It has been quite a journey from the past to where I am now. I feel like Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, except that my story is more like How I Found My Life. Quite honestly, I feel lost and a little to small to be in the life I am living right now. Five days before Valentines Day of this year, I got a text from my cousin that changed my life. She told me her mom had offered me a place to live at her house. Rent free, all I need to do is help out around the house. Also, that she would help me with my resume and help me find a new job. The room would be mine until December. I knew that was the push I needed to get my life moving in a forward direction as opposed to being stuck in a puddle of self pity and loathing.
By the time Valentines Day rolled around, I was moved in to my new home. I have joined a new singles ward, gotten a new job, started losing weight like I have been trying to do for years, and all in all, a LOT has happened. I have had mixed feelings, if I am being honest. Sometimes, I am so sad. I feel like my new environment is swallowing me up whole. That I am stuck in the middle of a pool of chaos. Most of the time, however, I am so glad. I am sooo happy I was directed to make the choice that I did. Without it, I would still be a troll in my parents' basement. Now, I am a more sophisticated troll on the upper level of a town house.
Today is Easter Sunday, so I am feeling pretty spiritually uplifted and fed. If you don't like it, you might want to scroll down a few paragraphs until I can resume the lighthearted joking and playful banter that I seem to have with myself. Since I have moved up to Saratoga, I mentioned a new singles ward. Let me state first, that I didn't care for the one I was attending previously. There were a couple of girls that were/are some of the sweetest, gutsyest, most hilarious girls I have met. I adore them. The rest of the ward? Not so much. The majority of the people in that ward were cold, unfriendly, and stuck in their ways. Not willing to invite someone new into the fold. This could not be more opposite at the ward up here. I have been here a mere month, and have had so many people just walk up and introduce themselves. I LOVE this ward. Everyone laughs, hangs out together, makes jokes while giving talks (including the bishopric), and it is so refreshing. The first time I went, I knew it was where I needed to be.
Continuing with Easter themed conversation, we had such a beautiful program today. I didn't even expect to feel as moved as I did. I am not one to get super spiritual ever. It happens sometimes, but I have had to get more in touch with that part of me more. Now that I am relying on the Lord to help me keep my mind and soul from cracking. Honestly, I am pretty sure I am totally in denial about where I live. If I think about it too much, I get that awful gaping hole in my chest. The feeling that is akin to a black hole. If you let it, it will take everything, threatening to turn your walls into crumbling bricks and so on. Today, I really felt His love for me, and I had my own love to give in return. He has helped me so much this last month. I was sure I wouldn't be able to do it. I am attached to my family in a huge way. Not seeing them every day has been difficult. Especially because my sister is one of those I don't get to see. Now that she is married though, she gives a lot of her attention to her husband. It's fine! Even though she is married, she still makes time for me when I call, and vice versa. However, I can't rely on her anymore as far as being my right hand girl. It's time to make my own way in the world. That is what I intend on doing.
What brought this on, you ask? Let me just share. I had a wonderful day at church, and when we went to my grandma and grandpas house, we watched a movie. Have any of you seen The Other Side of Heaven?? Anybody? I'm sure a few of you have. This movie is WONDERFUL. The last time I saw it, I was young. Too young to understand the gravity. To me, it was just a movie where a lot of bad stuff happened, and by miracles, this young man was able to make it home, and live happily ever after with the girl he loves. Today, it holds so much more. I have so much respect for the men and women who serve the Lord through a mission. Those that are so brave, to leave their family for two years or so, and forget themselves completely. I also don't think I could feel this way without our Lord and our Savior. They protect these mere kids as they go to foreign countries, or maybe just a few states over. They comfort their families. They soften the hearts of those, so they can present them with a message that will change their lives. They also are led to those that are just searching and waiting. It is a miracle in itself.
Well, I was watching that movie, and having all of those feelings. When it came time for my family and I to go separate ways, I got that black hole feeling. When I talked to my mom, I said how I felt like I don't see them anymore. Ever. Of course, I saw her on Thursday. But she said," Sid! That is how it's supposed to be! You're going to grow up, and move on. You're only going to see us once a month." That broke my heart, because that is what is going to happen. It is already heading in that direction, full speed ahead. And though, I have my wonderful family, and my new amazing ward, my cousins, aunt, and my few friends, I am alone. This journey of life is now my own. This is MY chapter to do what I will. Until I meet that man who will steal my heart, and have children of my own. This time, is for me. I have my Heavenly Father, the Holy Ghost, and the Savior to guide me. These are my companions in life. Though my family is eternal, and life is eternal, it is time to move forward and gain knowledge, new friends, and ultimately, gain a family of my own. This journey is frightening, filled with decisions that impact our lives forever, but, it is also filled with love, support, guidance, family, and friends. Some are fleeting, and some stick with you until the end of time.
Though it has been a year, I have seen how much I have changed. Oh, I still behave like a thirteen year old on occasions, but I know that I am working on acting like adults do. Not just any adults, but those that wish to live in the hereafter with our Heavenly Father and families. I want that. I need it. I crave it. I can't wait to see where I am in the next year. Thank you, as always, to those that stick with me and my whiny blog posts, through the tears, and embarrassing stories. I love forming them into something that you can enjoy. You guys are the reason I do this. I love you!

So DAMN Selfish.

Greetings blog people. (Not my parent's because they don't read it.) Yes, that was snide, and underhanded and maybe a little rash. However, we are not on good terms at this moment. Nothing is sacred in this house. So, if you don't want it online, you better put that crap in writing. Anyways, getting straight to the POINT.
Let me just list off why I am selfish:
-I like peace and quiet. So, when that peace is disturbed, I get put on edge.
-I also like to watch TVD in the living room sometimes, just to come out of my trolley cave. So, when little sister and whoever her friend is this week come in and want to play, and I want to watch my show, I don't go quietly. Especially because they didn't even come in quietly.
-I like to keep my stuff to myself. I paid for it. Why can't I keep it in my own room?
Now. Let me tell you why this "selfish" title SHOULDN'T EVEN APPLY.
-Who bought the new snow shovel? And WHO IN THE HELL SHOVELS WHEN IT SNOWS?? OH YEAH. ME.
-Who (although begrudgingly) allows little sister to take movies from my huge-gantic collection? OH YEAH. ME.
-Who buys groceries to make dinner for the WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY?? WITH THE MONEY THAT I WORK SOOOO HARD FOR? Not to mention I make next to nothing! OH YEAH. ME.
-Who cleans up the basement? Me.
-Who tries to rally the troops to clean up the bathroom? Me.
-Who takes her brother up to Springville in the mornings so he can get to work? Me.
-Who does the dishes the most? (Out of the children?) OH YEAH. ME.
Blog friends, I could go on with this all day. IF THE WORST THING I DO IS GET MAD WHEN THE PEACE IS DISTURBED, then I am doing a DAMN GOOD JOB.
Screw the fact that I try so hard to be helpful and kind. It doesn't mean A THING. I do what I can, with what I have. Sometimes, days are worse than others. Let's face it, PMS is a beezey. Others, I can a do a helluva lot around the house and get a, "oh, hey thanks." B.S.
So, when I get my selfish ass into a place of my own, someone else is going to have to pick up my slack in that department. They will probably be called selfish too.
I work hard. I work a LOT. So sue me if the two days I have off, I would like to spend in quiet?? I listen to bratty, snotty, spoiled children scream all the day long at work. I don't want to have to wear ear plugs in my sanctuary. Since I reside in the basement, as most trolls do, I listen to little sister gallop around like a freaking horse at 11pm. I go to work at 6! And if that doesn't sound like the house is going to fall over, I don't know what does! All I know is, I pay rent here. I should have some sort of say in how stinking loud it is. Especially at all hours of the night.
Then! I go to work all bent out of shape because I had to listen to that for 30 minutes, and then catch flack at work for that too! Is there a universal plot to break me into insanity?? Well, let me make it simple for you Universe. I AM ALMOST THERE. I can't say what I want to say around home because, HEY, it's rude! How dare I even think such things!?
Also, I know I am almost 22. I should be out on my own. Well hell. If I could be, I would. Nothing is cheap anymore. Nothing! I am not made of money. I cannot afford to go to school to build skills to make better money. I have very little options when it comes to that.
To get off my soapbox here, I just have to say. I know my parents have put up with a lot. I do know my siblings. I know their siblings and their parents. I know families fight. I have not built up a tolerance to hyperactive, prepubescent, shrieking children as they have. It is a learning curve. I understand that I was like that at one point. However, EVERYBODY in our house is over 17 except for her. Which is rough for her. I feel bad that she is growing up basically without siblings.
But! She insists that she is just as grown up as myself or the other siblings. She is honest to a fault. She is spoiled (because she is the baby), and she is selfish. (Like all children her age.) I understand that it is tough for her, tough for my parents, and tough for everybody living here. And there are plenty of us living here. Though, not everybody is willing to work on it. ( I am NOT in the mood to work on it today.) So, until everyone is, or everybody gets out, we are stuck.
Anyways, this was a shorter post today, but I think I've run out of steam for the moment. I hope you all are having a lovely Saturday.

All's Fair in Love and War.. and Target

Holy smokes.. Today was so crazy.. I haven't laughed so hard or been so nauseated in a very very long time. Let me tell you the story. It started with a comment I made yesterday. Yeah. This whole thing has been going on for 24 hours now! It has been a miserable 24 hours as well! We were marking clearance in ready to wear. Dee-stroyer (who actually loves her nickname) was complaining about a rack that was crooked or in her way. Something like that. Anyways. All of us were in a bad mood, and so we were throwing out snarky comments to each other all day. So, she looked at that rack and said, "You are bugging me!" I just threw this little comment over my shoulder, while laughing I might add. This little comment, this little nugget of words turned into what a favorite comedian calls a clusterf-bomb. What is that? Keep reading, and you'll find out.
My little nugget of words was," You're bugging me!" followed immediately by "Just kidding!" Nobody even heard it! So, I said," Shoot guys! You weren't even listening!" They asked me to repeat myself. I did. And the look on the Dee-stroyers face was priceless. If you've ever seen Pitch Perfect and have seen Amy's face when she tells her real name, that was the look on her face.
I was telling G-money that reference and she says," Are you calling her fat??" OH MAN. This spun out of control for a good 45 minutes. Them saying how I was mean, and me saying that I felt like I need a therapist after that conversation. Them saying how Dee-stroyer would need the therapist because I was so mean! Let me just tell you. This is how our team operates. Quick-witted and slightly mean comments that we just brush off because of our sense of humor.  Except maybe Kat-Kat because she is sweet as apple pie, that girl. Anyways, I figured that I would be safe today..That was so not the case.
We were in the break room. Yesterday's conversation got brought up, and the jabs continued. Then, they got worse. There is this really annoying chef on channel 13 that has man hands. They shake like crazy. She fumbles to pick up the food she has chopped up. It is really annoying to me for some reason. I made the comment," Gah! I hate her hands! She has man hands that can't stop shaking!"
There is another little joke the girls like to tease me about. It is my taste in boys. They seem to think Ian Somerholder is just too pretty. I love him. He is lovely. The thing is, I have a wide range of guys that I think are very attractive. Some are clean cut (pretty boys in the girls opinion) and some are like mountain men with crazy beards and flannel shirts. People always say you choose a guy who reminds you of your dad. I guess that is very true. My dad is a clean man. He knows how to get his hands dirty, but he also knows how to wash them. To make sure that he is cleaned up and presentable. That is the kind of guy I want. Not someone who is greasy and unkempt. Which sounds a little hypocritical since I really don't do a lot to get all ready for work. At least I shower. I brush my hair. Besides, I'm a fox. I gotta contain all of this foxy so I don't take all of the boys.
So, the girls are teasing me about pretty boys and how I have to have a man who has lady hands! (Ew!) I said to them how they are going to make it impossible for me to get a date because they are making me sound so awful! Well, I guess that wasn't true for one guy. This guy, I will call Amish. An endearment from my sister who saw his beard and said," Who is the Amish dude?" Let me be clear here. I don't like this boy. In fact, he seriously disturbs me. He says the most inappropriate things. Not that they are gross, but they are really just.. unneeded. All they do is make me angry because they are irritating. I will not get into that.
So, he is sitting at a table across from me when I made the comment about being alone because of my oh-so loving team. He throws his arms open wide and said," Hey! I'm available!" I shook my head and gave a flat out," No."
My team knows how I feel about him. G-money is beside me trying not to do a spit take. Kat Kat is looking at the table trying to to choke on her soup. And Dee-stroyer, she whips out this life saving sentence, " You don't have girly enough hands." Soooo embarrassing! I can't even handle it. They start talking about how I will need to wear a fudge mask to get a guy, and maybe someone will come lick it off. Like Amish.. AHHHH! And then there was another comment made about sucking on toes, which EWWWWWWWW! Amish decides to chime in again with this little gold mine," The big toes or the little toes?" OOOOOOOOMYYYYYYYY....WOW.
I really, almost threw up. He really tried to get me when we were talking about Les Miserables. No, no no no. NO. If this is the sort of person that I can get?? Is this all that I have to look forward to?? Oh if that is the case, I want to be single forever.
This little conversation gave me the willies. I literally started crying right there in the break room. It's the kind of crying you do when you laugh, until you realize when you're laughing is actually really sad, so you start crying too. Just wow. I have a feeling that this will plague me for years to come. All they way to my wedding day.
So! That is my story for today. I wish it had a happy ending. I guess it sort of does. We were all laughing so hard that we got our ab workout for the day. Once again! I love you guys, including my insane team. We are freaks, but we are the best freaks I know!

Hodge-Podge Events

Well, well, well my friends! It has been quite some time, has it not? Goodness gracious. I feel live I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for the past few weeks. What with Christmas and Thanksgiving last month. It has been nuuuuts! I really wish I had a ton of things to tell you guys! I love telling stories! Why?? Because I think that stories make people happy. My stories make me happy, I can't say the same for you, but I'm assuming if you follow my blog at all, they probably do! However, I do have a couple for you! I will start with my Temple Square adventure!
Let me tell you something. I would be the first to tell you that lately, my spiritual life has been seriously lacking. Every once in a while, I feel different. I actually feel like I can be that person I am supposed to be, as opposed to that snarky brat who complains about eeeverything. But, that is who I am most of the time. Anyways! One Sunday earlier this month, I was watching Emma Smith, My Story. I looooove that movie. It breaks my heart and builds my testimony of Joseph Smith Jr. all at the same time. Which, in turn, strengthens my testimony about the Church in general. While watching that movie, I just really REALLY wanted to go to Temple Square. There is something that is very special about the temple grounds. I know, I know. It is the Lord's house after all, but that feeling that you get when looking at the gardens and all of the people who love and believe the same way you do... Nothing beats that. Nothing.
That day, my visiting teacher had asked me to come to her class. I was thinking about it, but decided if she didn't text me that day to see if I was coming, then I wouldn't go. I still had plenty of time to get ready for church, but I didn't. Until she sent me the text to see if I was coming to church. I said if she promised not to pick me to answer questions, then I would go. She said no problem, and off to church I went. It was a lovely lesson, I enjoyed it immensely. It also made me want to go to the temple even more!
Eventually, I got the guts to ask a friend of mine (hello Matt!) to take me. We doubled with his friend Cody and his sweet wife. ( Can I just say, I need more single friends. I am exhausted hanging out with all of my friends WITH their husbands. I love their husbands, but dang it! Let's not remind me how disgustingly single I am by hanging out with your husband.) We went up and wandered the grounds, looked at the lights and saw what there is to see. Man, I love that place. It's beautiful. The things is, when I watch these movies about the history of the church, with Joseph Smith Jr. and his wife Emma, I just want to live better. All of these amazing people who sacrificed so much because they believed in a man that much.. Wow.
I just love that there are people like that in the world. Of course, they are much harder to find now. Even if you are in the church. In fact, now days there are more selfish, backstabbing, holier-than-thou people then anywhere else. That is so sad. I don't blame the church at all of course. I do blame the people and their pride. They are forgetting what our church was based on. That is such a shame. I love my church and even if I don't always act like I should, I do care.
Long story short about that, I had a WONDERFUL time. It was beautiful and made my entire year worth it. It was all I wanted to do for the holidays. And I did.
My next story is about a sort of date I went on. I will call this one.. Sargent. It is probably not a correct title, but that is the one I pick, so deal with it! Anyways, Sargent worked with my mom, and works with my sister. He is very quirky and likes to laugh. I think that is lovely. However, he really likes teasing. It comes from a place of caring, I think. At least, that is what I said. What I don't find so lovely, is my unease about being able to have a serious conversation without including some sort of joke which makes me sound like an idiot. In a way of course, that he doesn't mean to. Anyways, we went to taco bell. I drove, he paid. It was fun, but didn't leave me with warm fuzzies. I don't even feel anything like that when I think back about it. That isn't promising. Anyways, I am an old fashioned girl. I like to be wooed. So, chances are, I won't text a guy first. I haven't texted him since, but he seems to think I hate him because I haven't. Grr. The only thing that has to do with is I am not typically needy. And, it might be mild disintrest. So that is that.
I think that is all I have for today! What we have learned, I loooove Temple Square, as well as my church! Also! I don't like smarmy church people. I come up with poor nicknames. And I like to be treated like a lady and will not stand for anything less anymore! HA!
As always, I love you guys! All five of you! It is a privilege to write for you! I promise to return soon! Sooner that last time!

Stand By Me

This week has been absolutely crazy. The last few days have been too much excitement for me to handle. I'm telling you. At this moment, I'm watching this show. (I am always watching shows, get used to it.) It's called Angel. I'm totally on a David Boreanaz kick and he happens to be the lead in this show. I just have to go off about this show for a minute. I like the story line, but it's a bit over played after the whole Twilight thing. Vampire who was a killer decides to be good and redeem himself by killing bad people or demons as the case may be. This is a familiar theme in Vampire Diaries as well, but that show kicks any other show's butt.
Of course it's vampire themed. I actually didn't realize it was about vampires until the horrid make up showed up. I was not intending to start another vampire show, but oh well. It happened. Since this show was on before Vampire Diaries and was well before Twilight, I've got to see what it is all about. Not to mention the whole Buffy the Vampire Slayer reference. Now I need to see what that show is all about. I was never able to watch that show since I was young and sheltered.I hear that it's great though. For a 90's show, right?
Now to the main point of this post tonight. Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit neglected. I probably shouldn't be posting this on my blog, but it is sort of like a journal for me to. A place that is safe for me to express my feelings and frustration among people who won't laugh at me. Not to mention, you can't reply right away that you think I'm stupid or dramatic. You just have to tell me on Facebook. And if you do that, I'll delete that comment and it will be like it never happened. But, since we are friends, you probably wouldn't do that anyways. If you did, we wouldn't be friends anymore and that would be a totally different story.
Well, we'll start with Saturday. Saturday was a fantastic day with adventures, delicious pizza, and good company. Last week, I made plans with my girl Kerisa! I really need a name for her since everyone on my blog seems to have a nick name. I'll have to come up with that another time.  I'm really not going to go into too many details of that night, but in short, we went up to SLC with Twinner and Matt. Matt needs a nick name as well. We went to this little place called Huka Bar and Grill. That is normally a place I wouldn't attend. In fact, I probably will never go back. Except for the pizza. I had a margarita pizza there that was divine! Couldn't even take it. It was spicy, and greasy, and delicious. Mmm. Anyways. Hukas are not my thing at all. I don't smoke or drink. So bars are not my thing either. Still though. Grills are.
It was shaping up to be a pretty awesome night, until we got up there and there was that icky white stuff all over the roads, making nerves get a little knotted up. Then when we arrived, like instant karma, my phone fell from my lap and into snow/slush. All was well until I got into Huka and my touch screen stopped working. That was the first step into a downhill evening. Next step was the nasty girls that felt like they needed to dance like two cent gutter sluts on each other. That was not my favorite. There was one girl that was seriously grossing me out. Blah.. The worst part was the look on her face. She has this super... sexual look on her face.. I don't even have any way of describing it because it was so uniquely revolting.. It was fun a little later when the super hot DJ came up and started playing awesome songs so that everyone else started dancing. I was thankful to have my view blocked of that nasty sight. We even got up and danced too. I looked ridiculous. It was very embarrassing. So I sat back down after about a song and a half.
We decided to leave a little early because the snow was still coming down. I went and stayed at Kerisa's place and it was a blast! We laughed at some more girls making a show in front of some boys, and then falling right on their backs because of the ice. Good times. I went to sleep pretty soon after that because the smoke and the music up at Huka were really intense and gave me the mother of all headaches.
Sunday was going to be an eventful day. Kerisa and I went to church which was lovely. I was supposed to go to two homecomings, which I missed. Then, I was supposed to go to a birthday party for the Fighting Irish and Professor of the Dark Arts. I missed that too. Which was a shame because I heard that it was quite fun. I ended up staying up at my grandparents house that night. Talking to them and watching TV with them was really nice.
So, keep in mind that my phone has been broken since saturday evening. Which is super lame. My sister filed a claim on it so I could get a new one. So, Monday goes by. No phone. Now today is Tuesday. I actually had the day off so I could wait for the phone to show up. Well, it got here, and I was very very excited. I had no reason to be. They sent the wrong battery. So, I can't even use it. I had to file another claim. Now, I have to wait until tomorrow to get (hopefully) the right battery. I can't even get to it until 9 since I work all day. Dang it. Gosh.
Having to not have a phone for 5 days is really REALLY getting to me. I can't call anyone if I need to find something out. I can't text anyone when I'm in an awkward moment. And (in my neurotic case) I can't even call anyone if I get into an accident!
I was really fired up about this earlier in the day, but was relaxed a couple of hours later. But, my mother dearest has made that mood flare right on up again. Yes, parents are supposed to piss you off. Above that though, parents are supposed to support you. Make you feel good about yourself. Not tell you that you sound crazy. No. That is was friends are for. Man, my heart hurts. I just wanted ONE person to say that I am justified to be really annoyed that someone was an idiot when they packed that package with the wrong product. And I got it from a completely random source. Matt. I just need to hear, " Yeah! They probably were smoking crack! How the heck did they mess that up!?" I wanted that from my family. I guess I sort of did get it. Matt is my brother in law. Twinner eventually got on the bandwagon. So that was nice.
I promise, this is not just about the phone and stuff. But, I feel like any time I get passionate about something, I get shot down with a shake of the head and rolling of the eyes. I can't handle it anymore. I just need someone to support me like a good bra. I know I get angry, and overly so, but I calm down pretty quickly if you just tell me that I'm right to be angry. At this point, I now don't feel special at all. I have absolutely nothing to offer. Except some laughter here and there. I can at least offer that.
Siiiiiigh. This took a depressing down turn, didn't it? On a happy note, New Girl will be on in less than 10 minutes. So, I'm going to switch shows and do what couch potatoes do, and fuse my rear end to the couch. Once again, I love my friends that read this. I love being able to write for someone! One of these days, I'm going to be a famous author, with dozens of best sellers, and I will not forget to thank all of you guys that stuck with me for the last 8 months. Your encouragement is what keeps me writing, and I can't wait until I can write for the world!

Naive. Disclaimer: Parental Supervision Advised

"Such an ugly word for something so beautiful." These words are totally on my mind tonight. Along with the word in the title. Naivety. This is a word I would have used years and years ago to describe myself. I never would have used that word now days. At least not for myself. That word is reserved for children and really idiotic high school students. (I was once an idiotic high school student. And ironically enough this has something to do with it..I'll get there.) This particular blog entry seems to need a little back ground story to it. So I'll give you a brief one.
When I was 16 or 17, I was working at the fabulous Red Robin (yuuuum!) as a hospitality crew member. Gotta love it. At the time, a social website called Tagged was very very popular. Or maybe it was Myspace? Either way! Both of them were very popular at some point so it doesn't really matter. Anyways, a boy started chatting with me and we had been talking for quite a while maybe 8 months. We'd never met or anything. However, there was a 2 month period where we didn't speak at all. And one day, I actually got a text from him. Mind you, my phone was so old school, it didn't say if it was a picture message or a text. Well, it was a photo. An obscene photo of something... and I am scarred for life because of this. I was actually at work when I received this photo. I literally screamed and closed the photo. I shook my head because I assumed that was a joke. I mean, I've seen 10 Things I Hate About You. I know the trick. Turns out I asked another person if that was REALLY what I was looking at. They screamed and said YES!!!
I'll tell you what I did. I sent a text to that boy and said," What the H*LL was that?!" He told me he thought I would like it. I told him there was NO way I wanted to see that ever! I told him it was disgusting, and that he was no longer allowed to text me. It ended there.
Now, I know this is getting a little...well..taboo, but I kind of need to get this out. Anybody that has seen the awful set up of a man knows that there is nothing remotely attractive about it. I don't even CARE what you say. It is DISGUSTING. My aversion to it may have something to do with the whole photo-bomb, but honestly, I doubt it. It's not pretty.
Well, since then I have unfortunately still had them pop up in places that they really shouldn't. I'm not desensitized to this, but I have become a little less sensitive. Or at least I thought I had until tonight. There was someone in my past from my Red Robin (yuuuum!) days that I liked a LOT. This person was my abrupt change from my usual R.M. type. Straight laced. Clean cut. This boy was the complete opposite. I can't keep calling him "this person". He needs a nick-name. I'm going to call him Sailor because of one of his tattoos. So, Sailor was exactly like the title. Smoker, drinks like one, talks like one, and was in a band. (Not that sailors are in bands all of the time. Unless it's the Little Mermaid. Then they're opera singers.)
Sailor was very VERY sweet to me. This was the middle of my rebel phase, not to be confused with my emo phase. He knew that I liked him a lot. I was never secretive about it. Oh! Flashback! He had this little ponytail that I thought was adorable. (He wore it up for work.) But when he cut his hair, mmm mmm good.
It's been years since we have really talked. We kind of drifted apart when he told me he wouldn't go out with me because I was too innocent and he didn't want to ruin that. He said it was sweet and what not. I respected that decision and moved on. Though technically at the time I was waiting for a missionary. (THAT FREAKING BUM.)
Tonight he decided to come waltzing back into my life. I was okay with that. Mr. Intriguing has been distance and all of that jazz. (G-Money, I know you're shaking your head right now so knock it off!) Basically it comes down to the fact that I am bored and Sailor is exciting. He was everything that I knew I shouldn't want but did anyways. We were talking and I had mentioned how I hate getting those surprise pictures. Well, there go my corneas. I got one of those surprise pictures. Oh my gosh. I just.. my brain absolutely went. Went where?? WHO FREAKING KNOWS. Just absolutely left me. I had no words. I deleted every thread of conversation that I had in my phone because in order to just delete one thread, I have to go into that conversation. I was NOT about to go looking at that again. So now, I've lost a few important numbers and what not because I'm trying to save my semi-virgin eyes. Needless to say, things got awkward and the conversation ended abruptly.
How does naivety come into play? Let me just say I haven't technically considered myself a "goody two shoes" for a while. I felt like I knew enough and had heard enough, seen enough to discard that title. No. I'm not. I assumed if you mention to a man, a sailor or not, that when you say you don't like something, that they listen to you and respect you. That was issue number one. Issue number two was thinking that switching to an old track of life, that didn't work in the first place would be a good idea. There are reasons that things go they way they do. I suppose some part of me thinks that I missed a shot back in the day with someone important. However, I think the person I'm thinking of walked away from me. And there is absolutely NOTHING I can to to bring this person back. I guess I don't listen to me when I tell myself to face the music and just let it go. Maybe I need a slap in the face for that to actually sink in. My last mistake was thinking I had nothing else to learn. Life doesn't just throw all of it's lessons at you at one time. This all happens and a gradual pace and when you're actually ready to learn that lesson.After tonight, I've learned I am nowhere near educated enough to remove the 'naive' title from my name. I mean honestly, how much can you actually know about life and love when you're working all the time, hardly dating (unless you're going out with Creeper), and you've never been kissed?? Answer? Nothing.
So, over the course of the rest of this year, and the next I'll be challenging myself to step out of my box. Out of my comfort zone and into places that force me to branch ant and become educated in life's lessons. This is a very nerve-wracking choice, but I'm hoping it will be one for the record books. At least my record books.
Well! That is all for an evening of spending time in my blogesphere. Once again! I love to just thank my friends who read this faithfully (G-Money especially for begging me to write more! It give me purpose!) and to the couple members of my family who read this when they've already heard the story! Bless you all! And bless me that I don't get photo-bombed again for many MANY years to come! Love you all!

The Worlds Tiniest Violin, Playing the Worlds Saddest Song

Woah! It's been a while! Well, it usually has been a while. I know, I know. It's very obvious that it's been a long time. Let me just state the obvious. Anyways. I've been working my not so little tush off for weeks now. I just can't believe how much I sleep and how much I work. It is quite disgusting. My life is so belittled. I swear. There is no meaning to it anymore. Nothing good comes out of it besides work ethic, which I already have. That, and my sweet pricing team. Wait. Did i say sweet?? I meant devious and hilarious team. They are the only thing I have to look forward to now. It's little, but it's something.
Now switching gears. Sort of. You know how everyone seems to have such exciting lives and yours is just blah?? Well, if you have that feeling, you're probably right. That seems harsh, but I have that feeling and I KNOW that this is true. When you're living vicariously through others, you know you're in trouble. We should be so excited to lead our own lives, but somehow, we lose that joy. We should be able to make our own fun, but there is only so much fun you can make when all of your friends work or have school and you have sentenced yourself to the lonely life of work. But, you need money to live, and for money you need work. Unless you get a massive inheritance. I wish that was the case.
I don't know if this is just me, but there are certain friends I have (I use that term loosely) that when good things happen for them, though I'm very happy for them, it breaks my heart a little bit. Only because I wish there was something good happening for me. I feel very grateful that I have the few good friends that I do. Also for my family. I am lucky on that front. As am I more fortunate than some others as far as my living situation. But for my personal life, I really REALLY wish that things were progressing. Since I lost all of my social graces and skills amidst all of the moving, I really don't know how to do... well, ANYTHING anymore. Now, all my life consists of is all of my shows, books, work, and sleep. Those are good things mostly. Although, I wish I could add concerts, or boyfriends into that sentence.
Before you judge me for all of my shows, I wasn't ever into television much until I moved to Spanish Fork. Or maybe a few years after that. Now, that is one of the things I have to look forward to. I get to once again, live though lives of other people. Even if they are fictional.
I have more that I would like to say concerning people at both of my jobs, the elections (bless us), and a few other things, but you know?? My mind is elsewhere. I'm slightly distracted this evening. As always, thanks for reading (if you even got through the first paragraph.) and I am very grateful to you for making this rating worth anything. Have a lovely evening and pray it doesn't snow tomorrow!!