Hey blog family. I really felt like I needed to write this post. Yes, I know it's late. But, since I am currently at my night job, I have the time. So, many of you know that I work at a home for girls who have substance abuse problems. They are so young! It breaks my heart. I honestly don't know if I could handle what these girls are going through. Tonight is the first night I've really seen the girls awake. Well one girl. Obviously, I can't give you details of this girl. But tonight, one of the girls was up and crying. Usually, they're in bed when I get here, and completely asleep. I guess she got permission to sit out in the hall and write in her journal. When I went up to do my next round, she was still out there with tears streaming down her face. On my next, she was in her bed, and still crying. This sort of this is so sad to me.
Why? Well, obviously, it really is terrible to see these girls in pain. Also, you have to put yourself in their place. They really have nothing at this point. They've been taken from their families, homes, friends, and normal way of life. (Granted, they aren't making excellent decisions to get here, but it's still their routine.) They are placed in a house with a bunch of other girls who have similar problems and struggles, different challenges. All who, admittedly, have an attitude, and lets face it, girls butt heads. They have all of their choices taken away from them. Their entire day is now planned out for them, from the time they wake up, till when they go to bed. Their food is chosen every day. It's just.. so hard. I don't think I would be able to do it.
Some of these girls run. They take off, and go missing for a while, then when they are found, they can end up in DT or if they are lucky, they can come back to one of our programs at the Journey. They aren't always allowed back.
But, the fact that these girls are struggling with this sort of stuff just seems so unfair. I know, we all have our choices, but these trials are for these girls, that the Lord knew they would be able to handle. Unfortunately, these girls don't know that they can handle it. They have no idea how strong they actually are. It might take them years to find out. They might not ever find out. And they don't trust adults, or people enough to listen to their therapists or guides when they tell them. They can only go as far as they let themselves.
I really have always wanted to be in this line of work. I would really like to do this during the day so that I would be able to interact with the girls and help them more than just checking on them every once in a while to make sure they haven't run, or anything. I'm so grateful that I do get to help. That on nights like this, I can ask a girl if there is anything I can do to help. I can only do so much. I really can't talk much to her, but, I can have her sleep on the couch and I can keep her company. Be the silent moral support. I just wish that all of these girls knew they were in the same boat, and they could help each other by being kind. And supportive. And for some of these girls, it really does click! And they know they have the chance to get better, and they make the effort. And that is one of my favorite parts about this job.
As part of our training, we have to read a couple of books. I've been reading the one called "The Anatomy of Peace". If you ever have the chance to read this book, do it. It will absolutely change your life. To give you a brief over view, it's about how we can all have a more peaceful heart and life by looking at people AS people, and not objects. For example. When someone cuts you off, you have now labeled as a jerk. A jerk, isn't a person, you have now made them to be an object. And because they are an object, you are more prone to be rude and call names. Once their a person again, you approach them with humanity. Like I said, brief overview, but really, it is an amazing book.
Also. Keeping in line with that train of thought, you never know what's going on with people in their own lives. If everyone was living behind glass walls, we might understand each other better. But we don't. We have to keep in mind that maybe.. this person does something because they've had a traumatic experience. Maybe some sort of abuse, or loss. Unfortunately, life can knock us down, and it can do it in such a way that we can't think of anything else to do but act out. Drinking and drugs to dull pain. Suicide to escape it. Bullying people to lessen your hurt, by making someone else hurt. Maybe in that respect, they are trying to bring someone to their level, to know how miserable they are. Misery loves company after all, so maybe that is more of a cry for help. Nobody really knows.
What I do KNOW, and I feel it's true, is that we have to be more respectful of people as people. And you can't run around trying to fix everything and every one. First, look to yourself and see if maybe the problem is in yourself, not with who you're conflicting. Once you've established this, you can step outside of yourself, and your own head to think of the problem objectively instead of internalizing it and making it personal. Once you can step out of your "box" and see all angles of the issue, only then can you not only help fix a problem, but prevent future problems.
Anyways. I think I got out all I wanted to say. Really, I can't say this enough. If you get the chance to read this book, do it. And maybe read it once a year to keep it fresh in your mind. I know its principles pop into my head at the moments I need it the most. Right when I think I'm going to lose my cool, I'll remember to get outside of my head and my "box" and it immediately helps me calm down and think rationally. Gosh. This is too deep for 1:30 in the morning.. Anyways! I love you guys, and sweet dreams! Or good morning.. just depending on whenever you read this.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
The Justification
I have a major headache today, so I'm going to try to make this brief. So. All of my peeps know that I do the online dating thing. That wouldn't be totally necessary except that I really don't get options to go out and do things. If I were in school or something, then that right there puts me in the position to meet people of the male gender. Well, as that isn't financially possible at the moment due to my really weird employment, online dating it is.
I know. People can really suck online. Most people use it as a medium to hook up and what not. But, there are the few people who are looking to actually make a connection. They are just way harder to find. To try to avoid getting the attention of the dudes that just want that one night stand, my profiles specify that I am LDS, and that I'm not looking to hook up. (It legit says "I DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP. I don't believe in that because, dammit, I'm a lady. Classy huh?)
So. I think that makes it fairly clear. Sometimes, you have to use a profanity to make your point. I thought I was clear. Well. This has happened twice so far. These two guys both decided to write me. Both stated that they are LDS. In almost the same breath, they then state that they are looking for that one night stand thing. One was more like.. "I wish girls just gave out handies" which I told you about already. This next guy told me that he believes that sex is just another thing that needs to be practiced in moderation. Because apparently, the reasons that it was frowned upon back in the biblical days, doesn't hold up anymore. He said that he thinks that it was because kids need to be brought up in good homes. But because now we have contraception and birth control, it doesn't hold true.
WRONG. In fact. It's more important now than it was before! You want a list?? Okay. Here it is. Main one. ST FREAKING D's! I'm sorry, but just because you wrap it up, doesn't mean you are totally immune. Next. Babies. Now days, a LOT of babies are coming into this world with only one parent. That is now how a family unit is supposed to be. Things can happen later in life or what not that makes it so that child only has one parent. But only having one parent because you had a one time quicky in a bathroom?? No. No no no. And I'm not saying that single mothers are not doing all they can. I'm sure they are. And they are strong for doing it themselves.
Next. Emotional connection. Let me quote a favorite band of mine: "When a heart breaks, it don't break even." Someone is always going to feel the pain of that one night stand more than the other. Not to mention, one night stands make it so you don't have to connect with the other person. How is that right?? Even taking religion out of this: how is it okay to share something so special with someone who don't care enough about to learn their last name?? I don't think that's right. Not even a little.
The last reason I'm going to give in this: addiction. Now. The LDS has a really strict stance on pre-marital sex. Or anything related to it. Pornography, books and movies, so on. Did you ever wonder why that is? It's because people get so fixated on things pertaining to sex that it interrupts their normal life. Their sex lives with their spouse. Their lives with their friends and families.
The flip side of that coin is this. Because the church is sooooo strict about it, LDS kids have so much pent up sexual frustration. The temptation to sleep around is almost stronger for some because they have it on their mind. Thinking constantly, "I can't do that. I can't do that. Not till I'm married." What I'm going to say might be a little controversial. I think that it is wrong how the church makes young adults so afraid of sexual interaction. Sex is a natural process. It's perfectly normal. We shouldn't be taught to be afraid of it.
How are we made to be afraid of it? Because sexual sin is one of the more serious ones. BUT GUESS WHAT. We have the plan of salvation. That doesn't mean kids should be out fo'nicatin'. It just means: arm yourself. So you're strong enough to withstand the temptation. If you mess up, you do have the ability to repent. People make it seem so absolute. Like if you have sex before marriage, you are officially screwed (no pun intended) for eternity. That you can't do anything to make it better. You can! You just have to be strong enough and willing to admit you made the mistake and then repent for it. That is the hardest part.
I know how hard it is to get over that "you have to be perfect" mentality. My aunt had to help me with that so much out in Virginia. I always thought you had to be perfect to get into the temple. Like you can't be swearing. You can't have had coffee ever. You have to be just immaculate. Yeah. No. NOBODY on this earth is perfect. And if they say they are, they're lying.
And I know I have blogged about that before. So I'll stop now.
Basically the point of this: why does dating online have to automatically mean that you are just there for a hook up?? Apparently, even if you're LDS that's what it means. And I am so sick of it. I really wish there were a class that like.. Tom Hiddleston or some other really respectful British man could teach. Or I could just go there myself and find one.
Well, that is all for today so.. have a lovely afternoon my people.
I know. People can really suck online. Most people use it as a medium to hook up and what not. But, there are the few people who are looking to actually make a connection. They are just way harder to find. To try to avoid getting the attention of the dudes that just want that one night stand, my profiles specify that I am LDS, and that I'm not looking to hook up. (It legit says "I DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP. I don't believe in that because, dammit, I'm a lady. Classy huh?)
So. I think that makes it fairly clear. Sometimes, you have to use a profanity to make your point. I thought I was clear. Well. This has happened twice so far. These two guys both decided to write me. Both stated that they are LDS. In almost the same breath, they then state that they are looking for that one night stand thing. One was more like.. "I wish girls just gave out handies" which I told you about already. This next guy told me that he believes that sex is just another thing that needs to be practiced in moderation. Because apparently, the reasons that it was frowned upon back in the biblical days, doesn't hold up anymore. He said that he thinks that it was because kids need to be brought up in good homes. But because now we have contraception and birth control, it doesn't hold true.
WRONG. In fact. It's more important now than it was before! You want a list?? Okay. Here it is. Main one. ST FREAKING D's! I'm sorry, but just because you wrap it up, doesn't mean you are totally immune. Next. Babies. Now days, a LOT of babies are coming into this world with only one parent. That is now how a family unit is supposed to be. Things can happen later in life or what not that makes it so that child only has one parent. But only having one parent because you had a one time quicky in a bathroom?? No. No no no. And I'm not saying that single mothers are not doing all they can. I'm sure they are. And they are strong for doing it themselves.
Next. Emotional connection. Let me quote a favorite band of mine: "When a heart breaks, it don't break even." Someone is always going to feel the pain of that one night stand more than the other. Not to mention, one night stands make it so you don't have to connect with the other person. How is that right?? Even taking religion out of this: how is it okay to share something so special with someone who don't care enough about to learn their last name?? I don't think that's right. Not even a little.
The last reason I'm going to give in this: addiction. Now. The LDS has a really strict stance on pre-marital sex. Or anything related to it. Pornography, books and movies, so on. Did you ever wonder why that is? It's because people get so fixated on things pertaining to sex that it interrupts their normal life. Their sex lives with their spouse. Their lives with their friends and families.
The flip side of that coin is this. Because the church is sooooo strict about it, LDS kids have so much pent up sexual frustration. The temptation to sleep around is almost stronger for some because they have it on their mind. Thinking constantly, "I can't do that. I can't do that. Not till I'm married." What I'm going to say might be a little controversial. I think that it is wrong how the church makes young adults so afraid of sexual interaction. Sex is a natural process. It's perfectly normal. We shouldn't be taught to be afraid of it.
How are we made to be afraid of it? Because sexual sin is one of the more serious ones. BUT GUESS WHAT. We have the plan of salvation. That doesn't mean kids should be out fo'nicatin'. It just means: arm yourself. So you're strong enough to withstand the temptation. If you mess up, you do have the ability to repent. People make it seem so absolute. Like if you have sex before marriage, you are officially screwed (no pun intended) for eternity. That you can't do anything to make it better. You can! You just have to be strong enough and willing to admit you made the mistake and then repent for it. That is the hardest part.
I know how hard it is to get over that "you have to be perfect" mentality. My aunt had to help me with that so much out in Virginia. I always thought you had to be perfect to get into the temple. Like you can't be swearing. You can't have had coffee ever. You have to be just immaculate. Yeah. No. NOBODY on this earth is perfect. And if they say they are, they're lying.
And I know I have blogged about that before. So I'll stop now.
Basically the point of this: why does dating online have to automatically mean that you are just there for a hook up?? Apparently, even if you're LDS that's what it means. And I am so sick of it. I really wish there were a class that like.. Tom Hiddleston or some other really respectful British man could teach. Or I could just go there myself and find one.
Well, that is all for today so.. have a lovely afternoon my people.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Another Dating Tale of Woe
Me oh my. What a busy couple weeks this has been. I'm officially back in Utah. (Woo.) This is a happy thing, and also depressing as well. I miss Virginia. I miss my friends and family out there. I miss the amazing thunderstorms, and all the bright colors you can find in the animals or plants. I miss how the "traffic" out there is like, 6 cars. Seriously, getting home from the airport almost stopped my heart because I had forgotten what it was like to have one million other cars on the road with you. Even still, I find myself pushing the invisible breaks wherever I'm sitting.
However, being back has had a couple of advantages. One. My family. I love my family, and it's nice to be near them again. Two. I was offered a job already, and I had only been back a week and a half. Three. I'll have a car soon. Car=freedom. I'm a little sad though, because I haven't seen any of my friends. I did see my auntie, and cousins which was really nice! Followed by a pretty awesome pool party at the neighbors house! That was a blast, and we have some really really fun, sweet neighbors.
But, that is not exactly what I am going to blog about tonight. I know that I always tell you my misfortunes in dating. (I always say misfortune like they do in Pride and Prejudice. I don't know why, but that's how I hear it in my head."Oh yes, his misfortunes have been great." Someone name who says that line, and I'll send you a virtual high five.) Tonight though, I had the keen and unpleasant fortune to talk to a guy. A guy who said he's LDS. Well, I'm assuming he is NOT active based on the way that the conversation went. And you know, that's cool. I mean, you don't HAVE to be LDS for me to date you. Just be respectful of my religion and beliefs and I will show you the same courtesy.
*Reader discretion advised!! There is some mature content*
So, this guy had asked me a question. He had asked me if I was "innocent". Well anyone who knows me can answer this question. Yes. Yes I am. I cried after my first kiss for goodness sake. Grated, it wasn't just kissing that happened, but still. The statement holds true. I told him, yes. I have been kissed once, which I wasn't a fan of, and I have drank once. (I know, hold your shock in. I'm sorry to disappoint you. I AM NOT PERFECT.)
He laughed and asked if I had ever give a "handy". I changed the word because I think it's gross. I told him no. And that I have an aversion to the male organ right now because stupid boys keep thinking I want to see it, and they send me pictures. And before any of you guys get ideas in saying,"Oh you must have asked for it, or done something to make it be sent." You take that back. I have never in my life asked, implied or inferred about seeing a penis. The first time that happened to me, I was 17 and working at Red Robin. That was before your phone showed you the picture before opening it. I screamed, and asked the guy why in the heck he thought I wanted to see it. We stopped talking after that. And it's happened numerous times since then.
Back to the story. I told him briefly that I didn't enjoy that first kiss because the guy was grabbing at parts and trying to get his hands in places they shouldn't have been. And I apologize, this part is going to be TMI for you guys, so feel free to skip forward. He asked why I didn't like being groped. (I put it delicately.) I told him that because it was my first kiss, and I was so frazzled, I couldn't even think about it until later. But, that I'm sure if you're with the right person, that I can see how it could be enjoyable. (I know. I'm sorry.) Guys, I really REALLY hate looking back on that night. So much. So so so so much.
This guy then proceeds to say that he wishes girls were more.. sexually aggressive. Like that we would send nude pictures. And then said," because girls out here don't do that!" Well duh. This is a majority of LDS culture. And guess what? Girls who send pictures of their boobs can wind up on the internet, because they accidentally sent it to their dad! Or, maybe they just like showing off their boobs. I don't know.
I just told the guy that I don't know any girl who requests those pictures (though apparently there are some?) but if there are, then there are plenty of girls out there willing to just give out handies. That is where the conversation ended.
Now. I knew that guys go for the slutty girls because they hope to get lucky and what not. That was always just subtext though. Something that was never really said out loud in an actual discussion. But this is the first time I have ever had a guy seriously tell me that he wishes girls were easier. That we craved sexual things as much as them. Ladies. I know we do. But we are LADIES. We have to have more respect for ourselves because if you don't, no one else will. You are more than just enjoyment for some guy. You are a person. And you know what, if you want to be known for sleeping around, flashing your ta ta's, and never want any ounce of respect.. then that's on YOU. Behave how you want to be treated. Some guys aren't always going to listen, but you can hold your head high knowing it was their bad decision to try to take advantage of you. No girl "asks for it" unless they physically ask for it. If you're even in a position where someone took advantage of you, get help. Find a friend, parent, sibling, someone you can trust, to talk to. Nobody needs to go through that alone.
That got heavy huh. That's pretty much the end of my rant for the evening, but I did want to compile a little list here at the end with all of the guys I've dated! Not names, but titles because there were 2 guys I forgot I had gone out with, and man they were doozies. Let's face it. They all are. I have bad luck.
Lets see.. The onion guy who wore no shoes.. Mr. Money bags.. Mouth Breather.. Guy who asked to date my friend right after our date.. oh! the short guy at the jamba juice.. guy that took me to taco bell.. Guy who I didn't date, but he followed me around at work one night.. guy who asked me out on a LOT of dates, who I eventually said yes to but got sick the night we were supposed to go out.. other guy that asked me out, and I told him I was on my period (which was true) so I didn't feel like going out.. and.. I think those are all.. just the bad ones of course. I had some good ones. Mini golfing. Comedy sportz. 4 wheeling and fishing. Driving on old country back roads. Best first date ever to the movies and ice cream.. and that's all the good ones. *face palm*
Alright online people. Have a lovely evening. Remember to keep your ta ta's covered. And if you're a boy, you can ignore that..
However, being back has had a couple of advantages. One. My family. I love my family, and it's nice to be near them again. Two. I was offered a job already, and I had only been back a week and a half. Three. I'll have a car soon. Car=freedom. I'm a little sad though, because I haven't seen any of my friends. I did see my auntie, and cousins which was really nice! Followed by a pretty awesome pool party at the neighbors house! That was a blast, and we have some really really fun, sweet neighbors.
But, that is not exactly what I am going to blog about tonight. I know that I always tell you my misfortunes in dating. (I always say misfortune like they do in Pride and Prejudice. I don't know why, but that's how I hear it in my head."Oh yes, his misfortunes have been great." Someone name who says that line, and I'll send you a virtual high five.) Tonight though, I had the keen and unpleasant fortune to talk to a guy. A guy who said he's LDS. Well, I'm assuming he is NOT active based on the way that the conversation went. And you know, that's cool. I mean, you don't HAVE to be LDS for me to date you. Just be respectful of my religion and beliefs and I will show you the same courtesy.
*Reader discretion advised!! There is some mature content*
So, this guy had asked me a question. He had asked me if I was "innocent". Well anyone who knows me can answer this question. Yes. Yes I am. I cried after my first kiss for goodness sake. Grated, it wasn't just kissing that happened, but still. The statement holds true. I told him, yes. I have been kissed once, which I wasn't a fan of, and I have drank once. (I know, hold your shock in. I'm sorry to disappoint you. I AM NOT PERFECT.)
He laughed and asked if I had ever give a "handy". I changed the word because I think it's gross. I told him no. And that I have an aversion to the male organ right now because stupid boys keep thinking I want to see it, and they send me pictures. And before any of you guys get ideas in saying,"Oh you must have asked for it, or done something to make it be sent." You take that back. I have never in my life asked, implied or inferred about seeing a penis. The first time that happened to me, I was 17 and working at Red Robin. That was before your phone showed you the picture before opening it. I screamed, and asked the guy why in the heck he thought I wanted to see it. We stopped talking after that. And it's happened numerous times since then.
Back to the story. I told him briefly that I didn't enjoy that first kiss because the guy was grabbing at parts and trying to get his hands in places they shouldn't have been. And I apologize, this part is going to be TMI for you guys, so feel free to skip forward. He asked why I didn't like being groped. (I put it delicately.) I told him that because it was my first kiss, and I was so frazzled, I couldn't even think about it until later. But, that I'm sure if you're with the right person, that I can see how it could be enjoyable. (I know. I'm sorry.) Guys, I really REALLY hate looking back on that night. So much. So so so so much.
This guy then proceeds to say that he wishes girls were more.. sexually aggressive. Like that we would send nude pictures. And then said," because girls out here don't do that!" Well duh. This is a majority of LDS culture. And guess what? Girls who send pictures of their boobs can wind up on the internet, because they accidentally sent it to their dad! Or, maybe they just like showing off their boobs. I don't know.
I just told the guy that I don't know any girl who requests those pictures (though apparently there are some?) but if there are, then there are plenty of girls out there willing to just give out handies. That is where the conversation ended.
Now. I knew that guys go for the slutty girls because they hope to get lucky and what not. That was always just subtext though. Something that was never really said out loud in an actual discussion. But this is the first time I have ever had a guy seriously tell me that he wishes girls were easier. That we craved sexual things as much as them. Ladies. I know we do. But we are LADIES. We have to have more respect for ourselves because if you don't, no one else will. You are more than just enjoyment for some guy. You are a person. And you know what, if you want to be known for sleeping around, flashing your ta ta's, and never want any ounce of respect.. then that's on YOU. Behave how you want to be treated. Some guys aren't always going to listen, but you can hold your head high knowing it was their bad decision to try to take advantage of you. No girl "asks for it" unless they physically ask for it. If you're even in a position where someone took advantage of you, get help. Find a friend, parent, sibling, someone you can trust, to talk to. Nobody needs to go through that alone.
That got heavy huh. That's pretty much the end of my rant for the evening, but I did want to compile a little list here at the end with all of the guys I've dated! Not names, but titles because there were 2 guys I forgot I had gone out with, and man they were doozies. Let's face it. They all are. I have bad luck.
Lets see.. The onion guy who wore no shoes.. Mr. Money bags.. Mouth Breather.. Guy who asked to date my friend right after our date.. oh! the short guy at the jamba juice.. guy that took me to taco bell.. Guy who I didn't date, but he followed me around at work one night.. guy who asked me out on a LOT of dates, who I eventually said yes to but got sick the night we were supposed to go out.. other guy that asked me out, and I told him I was on my period (which was true) so I didn't feel like going out.. and.. I think those are all.. just the bad ones of course. I had some good ones. Mini golfing. Comedy sportz. 4 wheeling and fishing. Driving on old country back roads. Best first date ever to the movies and ice cream.. and that's all the good ones. *face palm*
Alright online people. Have a lovely evening. Remember to keep your ta ta's covered. And if you're a boy, you can ignore that..
Monday, July 7, 2014
Duck, Duck... Duck
Okay! This was a few weeks ago, but I am finally getting around to writing about it! So! I had an excellent opportunity to visit the Outer Banks in North Carolina! Oh my goodness! I fell in love with the beaches! Beautiful sand and water! Freezing water most days, but lovely all the same!
However, I want to start this by going a few days before we actually went to Duck. I have such an amazing friend out here that I just call Bestie on here! She knows who she is! <3 But I got to go with her family! Before we went, I stayed with her and her family at their house for a few days! It was so fun! Her parents are so wonderful and made me feel so welcome! (This was the first time I had actually met everyone else in her family! Bless her parent's hearts for inviting a stranger to come with them to the beach!) I also go to meet Besties sisters and grandparents! I tell you what, I have never gotten along with strangers as much in my entire life! Everyone is so sweet! These girls and their family have become as much family to me as my own. I am going to miss them all so much until I see them again. *Insert sobbing here.*
Back to the story! So! Besties family has a pool in the back yard! Big enough for four of us to float on those big floaty things and have room for more! The downfall? Horseflies. Ya'll. I thought I knew horseflies. I didn't. They are wretched creatures. Some as big as your thumb, and they bite!! Hard! It hurts like a mo-fo. These flies also seem to like me. I don't know why. But it was at the point where I couldn't float. I had to crocodile style it and have my eyes and nose above the water. I was wearing a baseball cap, and whenever these flies would land on me (which there were at least 5 that did) they would kill them ON MY HEAD with the flyswatter. Then Ems would go put them on the edge of the pool so they could see what would happen if they continued to come and land near us. It didn't really help, but it was hilarious! She had decided they had sent all of the ones named "Joe" because they are idiots. That's probably funnier to me... hmm..
Anyway! Fast forward to the next day. Imagine me and bestie- burnt to a friggin crisp. I haven't burned like that in a really long time! This is how we know we're best friends. Every morning and night, the day would start and end with us getting lotion on each others backs, and peeling the nasty skin. (Sorry for that image, but it's true!) Waking up in the morning, itching, then lifting up the back of your shirt and asking "How bad is it?" while the other person makes that sound.."uuuuuuuhhhhhmmmm..." and you know.
So by the time we are headed to the beach, we have started our tan (it's just a little more red that we wanted). Bestie and I rode down with her grandparents. They are so sweet! Her Grandpa came up to me the night before we left and said," Now, if you need something to call us, you can call us Jack and Jean or Grandpa and Grandma." From that point on, I had adopted another set of grandparents! :) So sweet.
I have to rewind a day or so. We went to this place called Merks. They have the BEST cheese fries ever!! I kid you not! But we went for lunch a day before we left because we had to get groceries. I had been fighting Besties mom about paying for me. I mean, she was already taking me on their family trip to the beach for free, how could I have her pay for my lunch?? So the checks were being passed out, and I took mine. She tried to grab it from me, but I just put it up to my chest so she couldn't take it. She stopped trying after a minute, and as I am talking to her and using my hands, Grandpa with the quickness that Will Smith talks about in the Fresh Prince theme song, snatched it out of my hands! He ended up paying for all of us, which again. SO SWEET.
Anyway! We had a fun ride down together! I had made the best chocolate chip cookies the night before (seriously) and Bestie had managed to make sure they ended up in the car with us. So we munched on cookies and listened to Elvis and old country songs. They pointed out landmarks and chatted about stories of Besties parents when they had started dating. And also the story about Clarke the tree! (that was told by Bestie, but still! That's how it started!)
We got down to a place called Grandy, where we went to a farmers market that was amazing! So much fresh fruit and home made fudge in so many different flavors! And the sweetest Rottweiler ever! We also saw a pretty sweet ride that Besties mom had had when she first started driving! Sweet!
Well, we get to the beach house which is so close to the beach it's insane! We unloaded the vehicles (We had 3 loaded up!) then went changed into swim suits and went down to the beach! That first day was perfection. The water was really cold but you could walk so far out into the water! We were probably 50-75 yards away from the shore. For me, that's really far! I don't usually go any father than waist deep. But we were only about shoulder deep that far out! So crazy!
Our whole beach week passed in pretty much the same fashion. Wake up around 8, go to the beach until 5. Come up at noon to make sandwiches. And mind you, when we made lunch, we used a loaf of bread a day and we went through jars and jars of jelly. Besties mom makes it herself and it is heavenly! Then, we shower once you're home, and then have dinner. Go to sleep, and do it again! Now, I got a little lazy halfway through the week because of a.. visitor. And because I was so burned after the day at Besties house, and also the two days previous, I had spent more than 5 hours just hanging out in the water! Which, floating around in the waves is just my favorite thing at the beach! So, Wednesday, I stayed in except for 2 hours. Not to mention the second degree burn on my chest. That was fun.
Thursday I stayed out for 4 hours. Friday, a little longer. Saturday, I was actually able to get back into the water, so I spent maybe 3 hours in there. Until the storm came. They had been predicting rain and thunderstorms all week, and we got lucky to not have any during the day. I do have a to back track a little! On Thursday or Friday, we decided to go to Jeanette's pier. Besties parents are particular about who drives the white vehicle. So, when we got Besties dad to agree to let us take it, Grandpa said that he was just going to come down and watch us pull out, to make sure we didn't hit his car. We were parked under the carport, and the car was facing forward, so we wouldn't have needed to back out. When we were about to get into the car, grandpa pulls out $40 for us, and tells us to get some ice cream! So dang sweet!
So, we headed about 30 minutes south of Duck to Kitty Hawk. We had to pay 2$ to get onto the pier and then walked to the end. When we got to the end, two boys came up to us. It was Me, Bestie, Ems, and Rach. (sorry, that is not a creative nick name..) Now, Ems and Rach are so dang pretty! Both are super athletic and can rock whatever they wear! (Bestie is super adorbs too, but I am leaving her out of this due to her beau!)
So these two boys come up and say, "So did you catch anything?" Ems looks at him, and says.."We don't have fishing poles. How are we going to catch anything?" He just laughed a little and said it was his pick up line. We all laughed, and they started talking. The boys eventually asked us our names and ages. So, we have Rach and Ems at 17. Bestie at 22. And me bringing up the rear and a ripe old 23. Bestie and I walked away after they said 19. Besties actual words were "I'm out of this." Neither of us have any game. Me, because I haven't really been a perpetual dater. Just random ones here and there. Her, because of the previously mentioned boyfriend. After chatting when them for a little bit, we decided it was time to head back.
We stopped at Fatboyz. This is a really small place ran by all boys. It sells all sorts of things, including ice cream. As we are about to order, this hilarious guy at the window (it's not a drive thru, just one that you have to walk up to) asks us if we want to take a selfie with him. So, after we've placed the order, we indeed took a selfie! We ate outside for a bit, but really needed to get on the way. As we were leaving, the same guy who took the picture calls to us," You guys come back and see me! I'm here EVERY DAY!"
That pretty much ends that night. On our last night there, we decided to go to the shops. I needed to find some gifts for my family, and we had also heard good things from Ems and Rach. They went running every day and what not, so they had wandered the shops.
We had a fun night wandering down the boardwalk. We laughed and told stories. Fun things like that. Us four became thick as thieves. I love those three so much! At one of the shops, I saw this cute sweatshirt with a goofy looking duck on it. Sunglasses and everything. I haaad to get it! After Bestie saw it, she said she absolutely had to get one too! Now we have matching bestie shirts!
We also were able to get one more ice cream treat with the leftover money from grandpa. So we took these delicious home made ice cream sandwiches back for everyone. They were delicious! Home made cookies and ice cream! We watched Finding Nemo and played Uno!
Sadly, the next day we had to come home. We woke up early and packed our stuff. We worked on getting everything into the now two cars (Besties other sister who carried the food had left the day before since she had work the next day.) with what we had left. It was a tight fit! Sadly, Bestie and I weren't able to eat breakfast before it was all packed up. And it's a 4 or 5 hour drive back.
Bestie was afraid to ask them to stop so we could eat, because we didn't want to hold the progress up. So she texted her mom and was telling her. Shortly after, her mom called her grandma and said," Tell grandpa you need to go to the bathroom. The girls are hungry and didn't get breakfast." We pulled over about 5 minutes later.
Sweet grandpa actually ended up paying for two bottles of water and doughnuts for us! (The water at the house was not very good..at all.) And we got back on the road! When it was time for lunch, we stopped again at the Virginia Diner. It was so good! I had chicken tenders that felt like they were butter! They just melted! Bestie and Grandma had the fried chicken, which they said was also delicious! Grandma also tried spoon bread, but didn't like it much at all. Grandpa had the buffet so, he got a bit of everything!
After lunch, we got back on the road and made it home about 2 hours later. I feel like this account of the trip is just dry. But, it was seriously so much fun! I couldn't have gone with a better group of people and I am so grateful that they invited me to come!
Well, that is my story about Duck. Like I said, there is more, but they are just small things that don't translate unless you were actually there. I will say, that Grandpa and Grandma left the next day. We woke up early to say goodbye. I hugged both of them goodbye, and grandpa gave me a hug that was just one of the best ever! One that makes you feel like family. I am so privileged to have met them.
As always, I love you guys and wish you the best! I also hope you can visit the OBX! It's truly beautiful.
However, I want to start this by going a few days before we actually went to Duck. I have such an amazing friend out here that I just call Bestie on here! She knows who she is! <3 But I got to go with her family! Before we went, I stayed with her and her family at their house for a few days! It was so fun! Her parents are so wonderful and made me feel so welcome! (This was the first time I had actually met everyone else in her family! Bless her parent's hearts for inviting a stranger to come with them to the beach!) I also go to meet Besties sisters and grandparents! I tell you what, I have never gotten along with strangers as much in my entire life! Everyone is so sweet! These girls and their family have become as much family to me as my own. I am going to miss them all so much until I see them again. *Insert sobbing here.*
Back to the story! So! Besties family has a pool in the back yard! Big enough for four of us to float on those big floaty things and have room for more! The downfall? Horseflies. Ya'll. I thought I knew horseflies. I didn't. They are wretched creatures. Some as big as your thumb, and they bite!! Hard! It hurts like a mo-fo. These flies also seem to like me. I don't know why. But it was at the point where I couldn't float. I had to crocodile style it and have my eyes and nose above the water. I was wearing a baseball cap, and whenever these flies would land on me (which there were at least 5 that did) they would kill them ON MY HEAD with the flyswatter. Then Ems would go put them on the edge of the pool so they could see what would happen if they continued to come and land near us. It didn't really help, but it was hilarious! She had decided they had sent all of the ones named "Joe" because they are idiots. That's probably funnier to me... hmm..
Anyway! Fast forward to the next day. Imagine me and bestie- burnt to a friggin crisp. I haven't burned like that in a really long time! This is how we know we're best friends. Every morning and night, the day would start and end with us getting lotion on each others backs, and peeling the nasty skin. (Sorry for that image, but it's true!) Waking up in the morning, itching, then lifting up the back of your shirt and asking "How bad is it?" while the other person makes that sound.."uuuuuuuhhhhhmmmm..." and you know.
So by the time we are headed to the beach, we have started our tan (it's just a little more red that we wanted). Bestie and I rode down with her grandparents. They are so sweet! Her Grandpa came up to me the night before we left and said," Now, if you need something to call us, you can call us Jack and Jean or Grandpa and Grandma." From that point on, I had adopted another set of grandparents! :) So sweet.
I have to rewind a day or so. We went to this place called Merks. They have the BEST cheese fries ever!! I kid you not! But we went for lunch a day before we left because we had to get groceries. I had been fighting Besties mom about paying for me. I mean, she was already taking me on their family trip to the beach for free, how could I have her pay for my lunch?? So the checks were being passed out, and I took mine. She tried to grab it from me, but I just put it up to my chest so she couldn't take it. She stopped trying after a minute, and as I am talking to her and using my hands, Grandpa with the quickness that Will Smith talks about in the Fresh Prince theme song, snatched it out of my hands! He ended up paying for all of us, which again. SO SWEET.
Anyway! We had a fun ride down together! I had made the best chocolate chip cookies the night before (seriously) and Bestie had managed to make sure they ended up in the car with us. So we munched on cookies and listened to Elvis and old country songs. They pointed out landmarks and chatted about stories of Besties parents when they had started dating. And also the story about Clarke the tree! (that was told by Bestie, but still! That's how it started!)
We got down to a place called Grandy, where we went to a farmers market that was amazing! So much fresh fruit and home made fudge in so many different flavors! And the sweetest Rottweiler ever! We also saw a pretty sweet ride that Besties mom had had when she first started driving! Sweet!
Well, we get to the beach house which is so close to the beach it's insane! We unloaded the vehicles (We had 3 loaded up!) then went changed into swim suits and went down to the beach! That first day was perfection. The water was really cold but you could walk so far out into the water! We were probably 50-75 yards away from the shore. For me, that's really far! I don't usually go any father than waist deep. But we were only about shoulder deep that far out! So crazy!
Our whole beach week passed in pretty much the same fashion. Wake up around 8, go to the beach until 5. Come up at noon to make sandwiches. And mind you, when we made lunch, we used a loaf of bread a day and we went through jars and jars of jelly. Besties mom makes it herself and it is heavenly! Then, we shower once you're home, and then have dinner. Go to sleep, and do it again! Now, I got a little lazy halfway through the week because of a.. visitor. And because I was so burned after the day at Besties house, and also the two days previous, I had spent more than 5 hours just hanging out in the water! Which, floating around in the waves is just my favorite thing at the beach! So, Wednesday, I stayed in except for 2 hours. Not to mention the second degree burn on my chest. That was fun.
Thursday I stayed out for 4 hours. Friday, a little longer. Saturday, I was actually able to get back into the water, so I spent maybe 3 hours in there. Until the storm came. They had been predicting rain and thunderstorms all week, and we got lucky to not have any during the day. I do have a to back track a little! On Thursday or Friday, we decided to go to Jeanette's pier. Besties parents are particular about who drives the white vehicle. So, when we got Besties dad to agree to let us take it, Grandpa said that he was just going to come down and watch us pull out, to make sure we didn't hit his car. We were parked under the carport, and the car was facing forward, so we wouldn't have needed to back out. When we were about to get into the car, grandpa pulls out $40 for us, and tells us to get some ice cream! So dang sweet!
So, we headed about 30 minutes south of Duck to Kitty Hawk. We had to pay 2$ to get onto the pier and then walked to the end. When we got to the end, two boys came up to us. It was Me, Bestie, Ems, and Rach. (sorry, that is not a creative nick name..) Now, Ems and Rach are so dang pretty! Both are super athletic and can rock whatever they wear! (Bestie is super adorbs too, but I am leaving her out of this due to her beau!)
So these two boys come up and say, "So did you catch anything?" Ems looks at him, and says.."We don't have fishing poles. How are we going to catch anything?" He just laughed a little and said it was his pick up line. We all laughed, and they started talking. The boys eventually asked us our names and ages. So, we have Rach and Ems at 17. Bestie at 22. And me bringing up the rear and a ripe old 23. Bestie and I walked away after they said 19. Besties actual words were "I'm out of this." Neither of us have any game. Me, because I haven't really been a perpetual dater. Just random ones here and there. Her, because of the previously mentioned boyfriend. After chatting when them for a little bit, we decided it was time to head back.
We stopped at Fatboyz. This is a really small place ran by all boys. It sells all sorts of things, including ice cream. As we are about to order, this hilarious guy at the window (it's not a drive thru, just one that you have to walk up to) asks us if we want to take a selfie with him. So, after we've placed the order, we indeed took a selfie! We ate outside for a bit, but really needed to get on the way. As we were leaving, the same guy who took the picture calls to us," You guys come back and see me! I'm here EVERY DAY!"
That pretty much ends that night. On our last night there, we decided to go to the shops. I needed to find some gifts for my family, and we had also heard good things from Ems and Rach. They went running every day and what not, so they had wandered the shops.
We had a fun night wandering down the boardwalk. We laughed and told stories. Fun things like that. Us four became thick as thieves. I love those three so much! At one of the shops, I saw this cute sweatshirt with a goofy looking duck on it. Sunglasses and everything. I haaad to get it! After Bestie saw it, she said she absolutely had to get one too! Now we have matching bestie shirts!
We also were able to get one more ice cream treat with the leftover money from grandpa. So we took these delicious home made ice cream sandwiches back for everyone. They were delicious! Home made cookies and ice cream! We watched Finding Nemo and played Uno!
Sadly, the next day we had to come home. We woke up early and packed our stuff. We worked on getting everything into the now two cars (Besties other sister who carried the food had left the day before since she had work the next day.) with what we had left. It was a tight fit! Sadly, Bestie and I weren't able to eat breakfast before it was all packed up. And it's a 4 or 5 hour drive back.
Bestie was afraid to ask them to stop so we could eat, because we didn't want to hold the progress up. So she texted her mom and was telling her. Shortly after, her mom called her grandma and said," Tell grandpa you need to go to the bathroom. The girls are hungry and didn't get breakfast." We pulled over about 5 minutes later.
Sweet grandpa actually ended up paying for two bottles of water and doughnuts for us! (The water at the house was not very good..at all.) And we got back on the road! When it was time for lunch, we stopped again at the Virginia Diner. It was so good! I had chicken tenders that felt like they were butter! They just melted! Bestie and Grandma had the fried chicken, which they said was also delicious! Grandma also tried spoon bread, but didn't like it much at all. Grandpa had the buffet so, he got a bit of everything!
After lunch, we got back on the road and made it home about 2 hours later. I feel like this account of the trip is just dry. But, it was seriously so much fun! I couldn't have gone with a better group of people and I am so grateful that they invited me to come!
Well, that is my story about Duck. Like I said, there is more, but they are just small things that don't translate unless you were actually there. I will say, that Grandpa and Grandma left the next day. We woke up early to say goodbye. I hugged both of them goodbye, and grandpa gave me a hug that was just one of the best ever! One that makes you feel like family. I am so privileged to have met them.
As always, I love you guys and wish you the best! I also hope you can visit the OBX! It's truly beautiful.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
I Wish I Was Sherlock Holmes
Guys. I am obsessed. I have loved the stories of Sherlock Holmes. Especially when portrayed by Mr Robert Downey Jr. I loved when the same sort of character was played on House M.D. by the amazingly talented Hugh Laurie. And now, I love it played by the just as amazingly talented Benedict Cumberbatch. My appeal is probably not entirely what one would expect. I admire his ability to disconnect himself from emotions. That sounds weird huh? Yeah. It is a little. But emotions, they kind of suck sometimes. They hold people back. Like fear. Fear is understandable. Being afraid of heights is easy enough to deal with. Just stay away from situations where you are required to be high up in the air. Spiders. Keep a fly swatter, bug spray, cup and paper to capture it, or toilet paper to kill it. Maybe even someone who isn't afraid of them will come to your aid and save you. Fear of rejection? Now, that one is harder. Rejection comes in all sorts of forms. You didn't get a job. You didn't make a team. You didn't get the guy/girl. They all sting. Unfortunately, there really isn't a thing you can do to avoid it, besides being a shut it. But, then you die alone..
Emotions have been giving me hell the last couple days. I wish I could just drink formaldehyde or put on 3 nicotine patches to figure things out. Instead, my brain is muddled with feelings and I have a hard time separating them from fact and necessity. Instead of just saying," I'm going to do..." it's more like," I feel like I could maybe.." which is no help at all. Attitude is an important thing all. People always say that when you have a positive attitude, you can do anything. Well, that maybe be true if you also believe that what you put out, is what you receive. Well. I just spent the last 3 months putting out positive vibes with high hopes. That isn't what I got back. I got disappointments and dead ends. And sad. Freaking Sherlock doesn't have to put out feelings. He just knows. He is so confident that he is never wrong once he has all of the data that he never is. That's a little cocky, but you catch my drift. How would it be to feel so sure of yourself, that no matter what anyone says? They think you're crazy but because you have all of the information, you can't be wrong. And you know it.
He gets the factual stuff correct. How people got killed, who did it. Maybe not always why, but he gets it right. He has his John Watson for the feelings. Sometimes, I feel more like John. Feeling everything more because he's feeling it for two people. Not that I'm feeling for two people, but it just seems so intense sometimes. For example. I'll think of things that I've heard, or things people have said to me. They make my heart wrench sometimes. So much so that it's a flinch. Closing my eyes and turning my head to try to block it out. I'd plug my ears, but that doesn't really help.
Not only can he shut out feelings and give way to all sorts of facts and data, he chooses who he lets into his life, and to what extent. People, we are social creatures. We NEED human interaction to survive. But, along with that human interaction comes disappointment. You can feel for a person deeply. Strongly. You can feel protective. So many other things. But what happens when the person you feel any type of feeling for weather that be protective or love, isn't returned. When you go out on a limb for them, only to have them cut the limb that you were standing on, just to let you fall alone?
One thing that he and I do have in common is how we feel about our friends. I have a few more than he does, but we hold them with such high regard and esteem. That is something that a person can be proud of. The feeling of devotion, in all its different types, to a person. To know that they have the same devotion to you. That, is when feelings can be beneficial.
Along with other feelings; joy, excitement, relief, and love. To laugh from the deepest part of yourself, the kind that hurts your stomach and cheeks. To feel connected to a group of people, in one common purpose. The happiness that can bring. How your heart lifts up in your chest, and feels like you're glowing with the fullness of the feeling. To feel so lucky to know who you know, to have in your life those you do have.
Really. I have a love/hate relationship with feelings.
For each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Pretty sure that this law can apply to feelings as well. For that joy, there is devastation. For that love, there is heartbreak. For trust, there is deception. I know why we have the opposites. "Man are that they might have joy." Pretty sure that is just part of it. And I know that if we don't feel sorrow, we can't feel joy. We have to be able to feel the difference.
Sometimes, I wonder how it would be just to feel content all the time. Not hot or cold. Not happy or sad. Just to be. Would that be a relief? Or with that, would the loss of feelings be something you would miss? I would assume so. But, we humans are never happy. Think about it. It's summer, and we are praying for winter. It's winter and we beg for summer heat. Is there ever a time where we are just happy with how things are?
Why can we not just accept it as it is? Why do we always feel the need to change situations, even if they aren't bad? You make enough money to pay your bills and live comfortably, not excessively, but you still want to make more money? You want to have more things? It's so frustrating.
After this whole rant, part of me still wishes I was him. Mere fact. Data. Very little feeling to influence decisions. The other part of me appreciates the feelings. The diversity can make for interesting times, and brings some of the greatest feelings. One of my favorites, gratitude.
It might not seem like it right now, but I am grateful for the way things are. Other things are going to take me longer to be grateful for. Some things occur quickly. Things like my family, and closest friends that I am so happy to have.
I always hope that my friends and family can feel as grateful to have me, as I do them. They are the most important people in my life, and I love them all. <3
Emotions have been giving me hell the last couple days. I wish I could just drink formaldehyde or put on 3 nicotine patches to figure things out. Instead, my brain is muddled with feelings and I have a hard time separating them from fact and necessity. Instead of just saying," I'm going to do..." it's more like," I feel like I could maybe.." which is no help at all. Attitude is an important thing all. People always say that when you have a positive attitude, you can do anything. Well, that maybe be true if you also believe that what you put out, is what you receive. Well. I just spent the last 3 months putting out positive vibes with high hopes. That isn't what I got back. I got disappointments and dead ends. And sad. Freaking Sherlock doesn't have to put out feelings. He just knows. He is so confident that he is never wrong once he has all of the data that he never is. That's a little cocky, but you catch my drift. How would it be to feel so sure of yourself, that no matter what anyone says? They think you're crazy but because you have all of the information, you can't be wrong. And you know it.
He gets the factual stuff correct. How people got killed, who did it. Maybe not always why, but he gets it right. He has his John Watson for the feelings. Sometimes, I feel more like John. Feeling everything more because he's feeling it for two people. Not that I'm feeling for two people, but it just seems so intense sometimes. For example. I'll think of things that I've heard, or things people have said to me. They make my heart wrench sometimes. So much so that it's a flinch. Closing my eyes and turning my head to try to block it out. I'd plug my ears, but that doesn't really help.
Not only can he shut out feelings and give way to all sorts of facts and data, he chooses who he lets into his life, and to what extent. People, we are social creatures. We NEED human interaction to survive. But, along with that human interaction comes disappointment. You can feel for a person deeply. Strongly. You can feel protective. So many other things. But what happens when the person you feel any type of feeling for weather that be protective or love, isn't returned. When you go out on a limb for them, only to have them cut the limb that you were standing on, just to let you fall alone?
One thing that he and I do have in common is how we feel about our friends. I have a few more than he does, but we hold them with such high regard and esteem. That is something that a person can be proud of. The feeling of devotion, in all its different types, to a person. To know that they have the same devotion to you. That, is when feelings can be beneficial.
Along with other feelings; joy, excitement, relief, and love. To laugh from the deepest part of yourself, the kind that hurts your stomach and cheeks. To feel connected to a group of people, in one common purpose. The happiness that can bring. How your heart lifts up in your chest, and feels like you're glowing with the fullness of the feeling. To feel so lucky to know who you know, to have in your life those you do have.
Really. I have a love/hate relationship with feelings.
For each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Pretty sure that this law can apply to feelings as well. For that joy, there is devastation. For that love, there is heartbreak. For trust, there is deception. I know why we have the opposites. "Man are that they might have joy." Pretty sure that is just part of it. And I know that if we don't feel sorrow, we can't feel joy. We have to be able to feel the difference.
Sometimes, I wonder how it would be just to feel content all the time. Not hot or cold. Not happy or sad. Just to be. Would that be a relief? Or with that, would the loss of feelings be something you would miss? I would assume so. But, we humans are never happy. Think about it. It's summer, and we are praying for winter. It's winter and we beg for summer heat. Is there ever a time where we are just happy with how things are?
Why can we not just accept it as it is? Why do we always feel the need to change situations, even if they aren't bad? You make enough money to pay your bills and live comfortably, not excessively, but you still want to make more money? You want to have more things? It's so frustrating.
After this whole rant, part of me still wishes I was him. Mere fact. Data. Very little feeling to influence decisions. The other part of me appreciates the feelings. The diversity can make for interesting times, and brings some of the greatest feelings. One of my favorites, gratitude.
It might not seem like it right now, but I am grateful for the way things are. Other things are going to take me longer to be grateful for. Some things occur quickly. Things like my family, and closest friends that I am so happy to have.
I always hope that my friends and family can feel as grateful to have me, as I do them. They are the most important people in my life, and I love them all. <3
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Dem Utah Boys Tho
Hey blog family! How are you all doing this lovely evening?? It's just about midnight here, so I am hoping to get this blog posted and done before 1 a.m. I've been doing amazingly well at going to bed before 2, and in most cases 1, and I would love to keep that up! So! I have had one thing especially burning on my mind. I swear, I am just about bubbling over. I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing? More because it's a situation that I can't exactly control at this time.
Boys, you may want to avert your eyes. Or not. Whatever. But I miss Utah men. SO MUCH. LDS men in particular. They are so clean. Not just in appearance but in behavior as well. I think that is one of the things that appeals to people about our church. You can really tell who takes pride in their appearance, more than just the grooming aspect. Most of the guys out here seen with red solo cups, beer bottles, and cigarettes hanging out of their mouths.
Let me say this. I have dated both ends of the spectrum. So, I am not harboring a prejudice against it. But as my ladies from Target know, I tend to lean toward a clean cut man who takes care of his clothes, hair, and yes, even hands. Calluses are fine, but I don't really like having grease and oil stuck in the cracks to get all over me.
Plus, less guys in Utah have those stupid pictures of girls hanging all over them. That just makes you look slutty, guys. Only sluts look for other sluts. Which I guess is fine if that's what you're looking for. So! Back to the point. Utah/LDS men. They glow. I didn't understand that whole thing where people said that LDS members seems to glow. I do now, after seeing all the rough people out here. Good heavens, it's shocking.
And not that I don't have respect for those that are less fortunate, but even a lot of the members out here are lacking that light. That could just be all of the hard times that have befallen everyone now days, but there is something about it. Something about Utah. (Not Mary. No. Get it... ha!) Not to mention it's home.
Streets are numbered there. So you can find your way around so much easier! Here, your landmarks are "the big tree" or "the railroad tracks". I honestly have not been able to get my sense of direction since I landed here! At home, I could tell which way was north! Here, I have no idea what direction I am facing! And yes, I look at the sun! But that really only helps when it's earlier in the morning, or later at night.
Also, the environment is so different. Sometimes, it's really unsettling. I've heard warnings about different parts of the state where it's really rough, and you need to be super careful to not get yourself into trouble. Utah? You have West Valley to worry about. Maybe a couple other cities, but really, that's about it. Here, I'm just on the "good side of town". Any farther down the road, and we would be in the projects where it isn't safe to walk to your mailbox alone. People also take guns with them wherever they go.
I am not one to go against guns. I think people should own them. People kill people WITH guns. Guns just don't go shoot people of their own accord. Still. The fact that we need to worry about crazy people coming at us all puffed up, to the point where we need to have a gun at all time, that is scary. The most you'll get there is flipped off. Sometimes shot. Sometimes.
Anyways. on the same sort of track, I have been thinking again about a few people who are like "Hello! We talked 5 years ago, but we don't talk anymore. I'm coming back into your life. How do you feel about that?" Let me tell you how I feel about that. I feel like there are people who just want to be loved by all people. That really isn't a problem because everyone has a personality type. What IS a problem, is those people tend to be very self centered. They want to take take take all day long, and give nothing back. They're like black holes.
What really drives me up the wall, is that I am the (stupid) personality type that puts too much faith in people. I expect honesty from them, because I give it. I expect openness because I share it. That very rarely happens. Those people are too busy coming up with the next "thing" to hook their "friends" into asking them about their lives so they can gush about themselves. I know. I have this blog. I talk about myself in them. But guess what? It's my blog, I can do what I want. And do I leave you having with tag lines like," I fell in love again. My heart is broken, and I can't believe you did that." No. I'm pretty sure I am spewing all details (however unwanted) left and right so that you don't have to guess. Except for names. I do that mostly to protect my friends. I want attention just like anyone else, but I am not desperate to have it. I have friends and family who I love very much, and I can call them and chat whenever I want. Plus, I have awesome Bestie out here who I LOVE to death! She is fantastic. She knows it! (Go on, brush your shoulders off!)
As for male attention, there is none out here that I am currently seeking, and none back in Utah waiting for me. I do have a problem that I tend to fall completely for people so quickly, and it isn't something I can get over quickly. It took me years to get over the missionary. And I am still working on getting over a couple. Both of them are on the cocky side. ( Which that is totally my fault for liking that kind of thing. What can I say? Confidence gets me.) They both are pretty good looking. (Another weakness, so sue me.) One likes to yank me around like a yo-yo. The other? Ignores me entirely. I can't think of nicknames for them by themselves, so they are now "the terrible two". Such fun. And I fall for that every time! Except the missionary. He was different. Actually, now that I think about it, after he decided to just walk away, I started dating different guys. So basically, this is his fault. (It makes me feel better to place blame.) Now that I am older and I know kind of what I want, I've been having a hard time finding it. My standards are high again. Not that I super lowered them, but the last time I did, I got boob grabbed and slobbered on. So, I don't want to do that again.
That I think is all I have tonight. Except for the tragic passing of cute little Nemo. I had a feeling he was going to die because he couldn't stand up by himself. Any time he did, he fell over and just lay there like he was already dead. I held him today for about 10 minutes, maybe a few longer. He was so scared. All shaking and what not. He eventually calmed down and and took a short (really short) snooze. I wanted to keep him separated from Judas and Iago, (the two that are alive and killed him) because I saw they were being mean to him, but that didn't happen. We don't have the other cage set up. But, Nemo is passed, and buried in the woods. I guess my uncle didn't want to tell me, so my aunt did. So sad. (That's actually funnier if you had been out here with me for the first month.)
And! I want to leave you with a recommendation! If you like the period piece dramas like Jane Eyre, North & South, Pride & Prejudice, and etc..., check out The Paradise on Netflix. This is excellent! The story has held me really well, and I loved the actors/actresses in it! Beautifully done! Also, don't raise pheasants.
I love you all! Sleep tight! <3
Boys, you may want to avert your eyes. Or not. Whatever. But I miss Utah men. SO MUCH. LDS men in particular. They are so clean. Not just in appearance but in behavior as well. I think that is one of the things that appeals to people about our church. You can really tell who takes pride in their appearance, more than just the grooming aspect. Most of the guys out here seen with red solo cups, beer bottles, and cigarettes hanging out of their mouths.
Let me say this. I have dated both ends of the spectrum. So, I am not harboring a prejudice against it. But as my ladies from Target know, I tend to lean toward a clean cut man who takes care of his clothes, hair, and yes, even hands. Calluses are fine, but I don't really like having grease and oil stuck in the cracks to get all over me.
Plus, less guys in Utah have those stupid pictures of girls hanging all over them. That just makes you look slutty, guys. Only sluts look for other sluts. Which I guess is fine if that's what you're looking for. So! Back to the point. Utah/LDS men. They glow. I didn't understand that whole thing where people said that LDS members seems to glow. I do now, after seeing all the rough people out here. Good heavens, it's shocking.
And not that I don't have respect for those that are less fortunate, but even a lot of the members out here are lacking that light. That could just be all of the hard times that have befallen everyone now days, but there is something about it. Something about Utah. (Not Mary. No. Get it... ha!) Not to mention it's home.
Streets are numbered there. So you can find your way around so much easier! Here, your landmarks are "the big tree" or "the railroad tracks". I honestly have not been able to get my sense of direction since I landed here! At home, I could tell which way was north! Here, I have no idea what direction I am facing! And yes, I look at the sun! But that really only helps when it's earlier in the morning, or later at night.
Also, the environment is so different. Sometimes, it's really unsettling. I've heard warnings about different parts of the state where it's really rough, and you need to be super careful to not get yourself into trouble. Utah? You have West Valley to worry about. Maybe a couple other cities, but really, that's about it. Here, I'm just on the "good side of town". Any farther down the road, and we would be in the projects where it isn't safe to walk to your mailbox alone. People also take guns with them wherever they go.
I am not one to go against guns. I think people should own them. People kill people WITH guns. Guns just don't go shoot people of their own accord. Still. The fact that we need to worry about crazy people coming at us all puffed up, to the point where we need to have a gun at all time, that is scary. The most you'll get there is flipped off. Sometimes shot. Sometimes.
Anyways. on the same sort of track, I have been thinking again about a few people who are like "Hello! We talked 5 years ago, but we don't talk anymore. I'm coming back into your life. How do you feel about that?" Let me tell you how I feel about that. I feel like there are people who just want to be loved by all people. That really isn't a problem because everyone has a personality type. What IS a problem, is those people tend to be very self centered. They want to take take take all day long, and give nothing back. They're like black holes.
What really drives me up the wall, is that I am the (stupid) personality type that puts too much faith in people. I expect honesty from them, because I give it. I expect openness because I share it. That very rarely happens. Those people are too busy coming up with the next "thing" to hook their "friends" into asking them about their lives so they can gush about themselves. I know. I have this blog. I talk about myself in them. But guess what? It's my blog, I can do what I want. And do I leave you having with tag lines like," I fell in love again. My heart is broken, and I can't believe you did that." No. I'm pretty sure I am spewing all details (however unwanted) left and right so that you don't have to guess. Except for names. I do that mostly to protect my friends. I want attention just like anyone else, but I am not desperate to have it. I have friends and family who I love very much, and I can call them and chat whenever I want. Plus, I have awesome Bestie out here who I LOVE to death! She is fantastic. She knows it! (Go on, brush your shoulders off!)
As for male attention, there is none out here that I am currently seeking, and none back in Utah waiting for me. I do have a problem that I tend to fall completely for people so quickly, and it isn't something I can get over quickly. It took me years to get over the missionary. And I am still working on getting over a couple. Both of them are on the cocky side. ( Which that is totally my fault for liking that kind of thing. What can I say? Confidence gets me.) They both are pretty good looking. (Another weakness, so sue me.) One likes to yank me around like a yo-yo. The other? Ignores me entirely. I can't think of nicknames for them by themselves, so they are now "the terrible two". Such fun. And I fall for that every time! Except the missionary. He was different. Actually, now that I think about it, after he decided to just walk away, I started dating different guys. So basically, this is his fault. (It makes me feel better to place blame.) Now that I am older and I know kind of what I want, I've been having a hard time finding it. My standards are high again. Not that I super lowered them, but the last time I did, I got boob grabbed and slobbered on. So, I don't want to do that again.
That I think is all I have tonight. Except for the tragic passing of cute little Nemo. I had a feeling he was going to die because he couldn't stand up by himself. Any time he did, he fell over and just lay there like he was already dead. I held him today for about 10 minutes, maybe a few longer. He was so scared. All shaking and what not. He eventually calmed down and and took a short (really short) snooze. I wanted to keep him separated from Judas and Iago, (the two that are alive and killed him) because I saw they were being mean to him, but that didn't happen. We don't have the other cage set up. But, Nemo is passed, and buried in the woods. I guess my uncle didn't want to tell me, so my aunt did. So sad. (That's actually funnier if you had been out here with me for the first month.)
And! I want to leave you with a recommendation! If you like the period piece dramas like Jane Eyre, North & South, Pride & Prejudice, and etc..., check out The Paradise on Netflix. This is excellent! The story has held me really well, and I loved the actors/actresses in it! Beautifully done! Also, don't raise pheasants.
I love you all! Sleep tight! <3
Thursday, May 8, 2014
The Trip
I'm having a tough time tonight. There really isn't a whole lot on my mind, but it's been pressing on me for weeks. The same things. Always the question of "What am I doing". Tonight though, I don't want to focus on that. I'm going to tell a story. It's relatively short, but I realized as I was rattling this story off to the sister missionaries, that it's a story I really haven't told yet, and it actually means a lot to me. It isn't really the kind of story that you're thinking. Not at all like my disastrous first kiss, but it's a story. It's the story of me leaving Utah.
I'm skipping past the decision making and how that all came about. It's literally the story of what happened after I got out of my mom's car and walked into the airport. The first time I have actually done something like that. Something completely alone. Here we go.
After I got out of the car and hugged my family goodbye, and cried, I walked into the airport and waited in line to get my boarding pass and check my bags. Well, I had started out standing behind these two men who were really loud, but they looked at me and said, you might want to go to the other line, it seems they are having problems at this one. I said thanks, then moved to the line on my left. It did go wayyy quicker. However, not fast enough so that my bags didn't tip over while I was standing there. I had three, in case you were wondering. And for some reason, my stupid bag on top of my big one kept swiveling around and tipping both of them over.
After I got the two bags checked, he asked me to take them to the other line and have them put on the belt to board the plane. As I am walking that direction, my bags tip over AGAIN. I was already freaking out because of what I was about to do. I was seriously considering just taking the 300+ dollar loss on my ticket and just go home. Except that my mom told me that she wouldn't come pick me back up. That I couldn't chicken out.
So, my bags are totally unstable, and so are my emotions, and everyone is just watching me struggle. Until the really nice lady that puts the bags on the belt walked over and said, "Here, let me help you with those." She was soooo sweet! I guess I am the personality type that has to share EVERYTHING in my life, because after she said that I said, "Thank you so much. I'm moving and I'm really just freaking out." She nodded and listened and said,"Wow! That's great! I've got your bags taken care of!" When I just stood there, she said, "You can go to the security line now and board your flight. And good luck!" That woman has no idea how much I needed that. Not just the good luck, but the directions. I had no idea where I was going.
So, I went through security, and had to take both of my computers out of my bag, and take off all of the layers I was wearing. I silently apologized to the lady running the belt for the security because it was taking me forever. But, I eventually got through, and packed my bag back up, put my boots on, and went to my gate.
This was seriously one of the smallest gates, and probably in the most ghetto part of the airport. So, I am texting my cousin, and my sister while waiting for my flight. Now, this was Valentines day. Technically it was night time. My flight was supposed to be at 11:58 pm or something? Well.. my plane didn't actually arrive until I think almost 1 am. Not to mention that, but it was when that huge storm was passing over the East coast. The one that shut down Georgia.
And is it just me, or is boarding the plane the worst thing ever?? You have your bag and you're trying not to hit people with it as you go down the aisle. I am telling you, nothing ever makes me feel fatter or more in the way than that! And trying to lift that heavy thing over my head and put it in the bin while people are standing in line behind me? And?? My seat is in the middle, so I have to climb over people! I hate that! Plus, I sat between two guys, and that was a little awkward. I was hoping that one of them would be kind of good looking. Not so much.
Well, as we are flying, I was trying to get some sleep, but I was also scared to sleep because I was worried I would miss my next flight. Well, I had my Ipod playing for a lot of the ride. I watched a couple of movies! Thor was one. I don't remember the other. Warm Bodies maybe? Well, I still had a little while on the plane, and my eyes were burning and my head was starting to hurt. So I turned it off and closed my eyes. Of course I missed the drinks and snacks that were being passed out. I did eventually get a cup of water so that was nice.
Well, after a really bumpy flight, I landed in Charlotte, NC. Which is really stupid because I was going to Raleigh-Durham, NC. Why can they not just have a flight that goes to Raleigh and then I wouldn't have to worry about that?? Well, I landed in Charlotte around 6 am. My flight was supposed to leave at 7:15 or something. I really don't remember, and I was also really really tired.
Well, not only was my first flight delayed, but Charlotte airport was the most unprofessional airport ever. I couldn't believe it. By the time we actually boarded the plane, we were supposed to have already taken off! Luckily, the flight was really short. But, I was still late landing! I was hoping we would get in early because it had been since I think noon the day before that I had eaten a real meal and by then, I had a roaring headache.
Since we were late, I texted my aunt and uncle to tell them that I was headed toward baggage claim. They said they were already here and just to text them when I got outside. I was like... oooooooh no. I can't get food because they are here, and I don't want to make them wait! So, I sped-walked to the baggage claim and of course beat the bags. I was hoping to at least find a soda machine to get a drink. But, I was trying to hurry.
While I was waiting, I texted my mom and told her that I was landed, and how bad my head hurt, and that I was hungry. She told me to take some medicine and find food. I told her I was trying to hurry so that Keith and Pam didn't have to wait on me. Well, the bags started coming off. I saw one right away because I have a cute little heart from my roommate that she got me for Christmas hanging off the handle. The other one, I was sure I would see fast because it is a weird shaped bag.
However, it was upside down. So, as it went past me, I was thinking...that's probably my bag. Then I saw the owl duct tape on the handle. Yep. It was mine. So, I grabbed my other bags and practically ran to the other side to catch it. I pulled it off and sent a text to my aunt to let her know I was headed outside.
Then I saw it. A soda machine. I had a few dollars in my pocket and I pulled them out, and tried to feed them into the machine. Of course. It wasn't taking them. I gave up quickly, and just walked outside into the freezing East coast humidity. Winter out here is like.. down to your bones cold.
As I kept walking, my bags kept flipping over! Just like they did at the SLC airport! I was too tired and didn't feel good at all, and I did not want to put up with this crap! So, I let them twist and then stood by a bench.
Thankfully, a few moments later, my aunt, uncle, and cousin drove up. They parked a little farther away, so I started to get my bags to move. They were twisted so badly, I didn't actually take any steps towards them! They would not cooperate! But, my uncle came over, gave me a hug, and I said, "Thank you.. I can't get.. they won't...?" No real sentence. But he and my cousin John helped me get them into the car.
The last part of the story is this: my mom had texted my aunt to tell her my head hurt and that I was hungry. So she said," Okay. We need to get you food and medicine."
That is how my life here started.
There was more that happened that day. I stayed awake as long as I could, but fell asleep around 1 or 2 pm, and then slept until 7 or 8 pm. Woke up, ate food, and went back to sleep.
Anyways. That's my story.
I know it isn't really a big, important story, but, it seems so surreal even now. It's hard to think about it. More because it was such a whirlwind thing. It all went so fast.
And.. that's all I have to say about that..
Night all. Love you.
I'm skipping past the decision making and how that all came about. It's literally the story of what happened after I got out of my mom's car and walked into the airport. The first time I have actually done something like that. Something completely alone. Here we go.
After I got out of the car and hugged my family goodbye, and cried, I walked into the airport and waited in line to get my boarding pass and check my bags. Well, I had started out standing behind these two men who were really loud, but they looked at me and said, you might want to go to the other line, it seems they are having problems at this one. I said thanks, then moved to the line on my left. It did go wayyy quicker. However, not fast enough so that my bags didn't tip over while I was standing there. I had three, in case you were wondering. And for some reason, my stupid bag on top of my big one kept swiveling around and tipping both of them over.
After I got the two bags checked, he asked me to take them to the other line and have them put on the belt to board the plane. As I am walking that direction, my bags tip over AGAIN. I was already freaking out because of what I was about to do. I was seriously considering just taking the 300+ dollar loss on my ticket and just go home. Except that my mom told me that she wouldn't come pick me back up. That I couldn't chicken out.
So, my bags are totally unstable, and so are my emotions, and everyone is just watching me struggle. Until the really nice lady that puts the bags on the belt walked over and said, "Here, let me help you with those." She was soooo sweet! I guess I am the personality type that has to share EVERYTHING in my life, because after she said that I said, "Thank you so much. I'm moving and I'm really just freaking out." She nodded and listened and said,"Wow! That's great! I've got your bags taken care of!" When I just stood there, she said, "You can go to the security line now and board your flight. And good luck!" That woman has no idea how much I needed that. Not just the good luck, but the directions. I had no idea where I was going.
So, I went through security, and had to take both of my computers out of my bag, and take off all of the layers I was wearing. I silently apologized to the lady running the belt for the security because it was taking me forever. But, I eventually got through, and packed my bag back up, put my boots on, and went to my gate.
This was seriously one of the smallest gates, and probably in the most ghetto part of the airport. So, I am texting my cousin, and my sister while waiting for my flight. Now, this was Valentines day. Technically it was night time. My flight was supposed to be at 11:58 pm or something? Well.. my plane didn't actually arrive until I think almost 1 am. Not to mention that, but it was when that huge storm was passing over the East coast. The one that shut down Georgia.
And is it just me, or is boarding the plane the worst thing ever?? You have your bag and you're trying not to hit people with it as you go down the aisle. I am telling you, nothing ever makes me feel fatter or more in the way than that! And trying to lift that heavy thing over my head and put it in the bin while people are standing in line behind me? And?? My seat is in the middle, so I have to climb over people! I hate that! Plus, I sat between two guys, and that was a little awkward. I was hoping that one of them would be kind of good looking. Not so much.
Well, as we are flying, I was trying to get some sleep, but I was also scared to sleep because I was worried I would miss my next flight. Well, I had my Ipod playing for a lot of the ride. I watched a couple of movies! Thor was one. I don't remember the other. Warm Bodies maybe? Well, I still had a little while on the plane, and my eyes were burning and my head was starting to hurt. So I turned it off and closed my eyes. Of course I missed the drinks and snacks that were being passed out. I did eventually get a cup of water so that was nice.
Well, after a really bumpy flight, I landed in Charlotte, NC. Which is really stupid because I was going to Raleigh-Durham, NC. Why can they not just have a flight that goes to Raleigh and then I wouldn't have to worry about that?? Well, I landed in Charlotte around 6 am. My flight was supposed to leave at 7:15 or something. I really don't remember, and I was also really really tired.
Well, not only was my first flight delayed, but Charlotte airport was the most unprofessional airport ever. I couldn't believe it. By the time we actually boarded the plane, we were supposed to have already taken off! Luckily, the flight was really short. But, I was still late landing! I was hoping we would get in early because it had been since I think noon the day before that I had eaten a real meal and by then, I had a roaring headache.
Since we were late, I texted my aunt and uncle to tell them that I was headed toward baggage claim. They said they were already here and just to text them when I got outside. I was like... oooooooh no. I can't get food because they are here, and I don't want to make them wait! So, I sped-walked to the baggage claim and of course beat the bags. I was hoping to at least find a soda machine to get a drink. But, I was trying to hurry.
While I was waiting, I texted my mom and told her that I was landed, and how bad my head hurt, and that I was hungry. She told me to take some medicine and find food. I told her I was trying to hurry so that Keith and Pam didn't have to wait on me. Well, the bags started coming off. I saw one right away because I have a cute little heart from my roommate that she got me for Christmas hanging off the handle. The other one, I was sure I would see fast because it is a weird shaped bag.
However, it was upside down. So, as it went past me, I was thinking...that's probably my bag. Then I saw the owl duct tape on the handle. Yep. It was mine. So, I grabbed my other bags and practically ran to the other side to catch it. I pulled it off and sent a text to my aunt to let her know I was headed outside.
Then I saw it. A soda machine. I had a few dollars in my pocket and I pulled them out, and tried to feed them into the machine. Of course. It wasn't taking them. I gave up quickly, and just walked outside into the freezing East coast humidity. Winter out here is like.. down to your bones cold.
As I kept walking, my bags kept flipping over! Just like they did at the SLC airport! I was too tired and didn't feel good at all, and I did not want to put up with this crap! So, I let them twist and then stood by a bench.
Thankfully, a few moments later, my aunt, uncle, and cousin drove up. They parked a little farther away, so I started to get my bags to move. They were twisted so badly, I didn't actually take any steps towards them! They would not cooperate! But, my uncle came over, gave me a hug, and I said, "Thank you.. I can't get.. they won't...?" No real sentence. But he and my cousin John helped me get them into the car.
The last part of the story is this: my mom had texted my aunt to tell her my head hurt and that I was hungry. So she said," Okay. We need to get you food and medicine."
That is how my life here started.
There was more that happened that day. I stayed awake as long as I could, but fell asleep around 1 or 2 pm, and then slept until 7 or 8 pm. Woke up, ate food, and went back to sleep.
Anyways. That's my story.
I know it isn't really a big, important story, but, it seems so surreal even now. It's hard to think about it. More because it was such a whirlwind thing. It all went so fast.
And.. that's all I have to say about that..
Night all. Love you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)