Holy smokes.. Today was so crazy.. I haven't laughed so hard or been so nauseated in a very very long time. Let me tell you the story. It started with a comment I made yesterday. Yeah. This whole thing has been going on for 24 hours now! It has been a miserable 24 hours as well! We were marking clearance in ready to wear. Dee-stroyer (who actually loves her nickname) was complaining about a rack that was crooked or in her way. Something like that. Anyways. All of us were in a bad mood, and so we were throwing out snarky comments to each other all day. So, she looked at that rack and said, "You are bugging me!" I just threw this little comment over my shoulder, while laughing I might add. This little comment, this little nugget of words turned into what a favorite comedian calls a clusterf-bomb. What is that? Keep reading, and you'll find out.
My little nugget of words was," You're bugging me!" followed immediately by "Just kidding!" Nobody even heard it! So, I said," Shoot guys! You weren't even listening!" They asked me to repeat myself. I did. And the look on the Dee-stroyers face was priceless. If you've ever seen Pitch Perfect and have seen Amy's face when she tells her real name, that was the look on her face.
I was telling G-money that reference and she says," Are you calling her fat??" OH MAN. This spun out of control for a good 45 minutes. Them saying how I was mean, and me saying that I felt like I need a therapist after that conversation. Them saying how Dee-stroyer would need the therapist because I was so mean! Let me just tell you. This is how our team operates. Quick-witted and slightly mean comments that we just brush off because of our sense of humor. Except maybe Kat-Kat because she is sweet as apple pie, that girl. Anyways, I figured that I would be safe today..That was so not the case.
We were in the break room. Yesterday's conversation got brought up, and the jabs continued. Then, they got worse. There is this really annoying chef on channel 13 that has man hands. They shake like crazy. She fumbles to pick up the food she has chopped up. It is really annoying to me for some reason. I made the comment," Gah! I hate her hands! She has man hands that can't stop shaking!"
There is another little joke the girls like to tease me about. It is my taste in boys. They seem to think Ian Somerholder is just too pretty. I love him. He is lovely. The thing is, I have a wide range of guys that I think are very attractive. Some are clean cut (pretty boys in the girls opinion) and some are like mountain men with crazy beards and flannel shirts. People always say you choose a guy who reminds you of your dad. I guess that is very true. My dad is a clean man. He knows how to get his hands dirty, but he also knows how to wash them. To make sure that he is cleaned up and presentable. That is the kind of guy I want. Not someone who is greasy and unkempt. Which sounds a little hypocritical since I really don't do a lot to get all ready for work. At least I shower. I brush my hair. Besides, I'm a fox. I gotta contain all of this foxy so I don't take all of the boys.
So, the girls are teasing me about pretty boys and how I have to have a man who has lady hands! (Ew!) I said to them how they are going to make it impossible for me to get a date because they are making me sound so awful! Well, I guess that wasn't true for one guy. This guy, I will call Amish. An endearment from my sister who saw his beard and said," Who is the Amish dude?" Let me be clear here. I don't like this boy. In fact, he seriously disturbs me. He says the most inappropriate things. Not that they are gross, but they are really just.. unneeded. All they do is make me angry because they are irritating. I will not get into that.
So, he is sitting at a table across from me when I made the comment about being alone because of my oh-so loving team. He throws his arms open wide and said," Hey! I'm available!" I shook my head and gave a flat out," No."
My team knows how I feel about him. G-money is beside me trying not to do a spit take. Kat Kat is looking at the table trying to to choke on her soup. And Dee-stroyer, she whips out this life saving sentence, " You don't have girly enough hands." Soooo embarrassing! I can't even handle it. They start talking about how I will need to wear a fudge mask to get a guy, and maybe someone will come lick it off. Like Amish.. AHHHH! And then there was another comment made about sucking on toes, which EWWWWWWWW! Amish decides to chime in again with this little gold mine," The big toes or the little toes?" OOOOOOOOMYYYYYYYY....WOW.
I really, almost threw up. He really tried to get me when we were talking about Les Miserables. No, no no no. NO. If this is the sort of person that I can get?? Is this all that I have to look forward to?? Oh if that is the case, I want to be single forever.
This little conversation gave me the willies. I literally started crying right there in the break room. It's the kind of crying you do when you laugh, until you realize when you're laughing is actually really sad, so you start crying too. Just wow. I have a feeling that this will plague me for years to come. All they way to my wedding day.
So! That is my story for today. I wish it had a happy ending. I guess it sort of does. We were all laughing so hard that we got our ab workout for the day. Once again! I love you guys, including my insane team. We are freaks, but we are the best freaks I know!
