Guys. I am obsessed. I have loved the stories of Sherlock Holmes. Especially when portrayed by Mr Robert Downey Jr. I loved when the same sort of character was played on House M.D. by the amazingly talented Hugh Laurie. And now, I love it played by the just as amazingly talented Benedict Cumberbatch. My appeal is probably not entirely what one would expect. I admire his ability to disconnect himself from emotions. That sounds weird huh? Yeah. It is a little. But emotions, they kind of suck sometimes. They hold people back. Like fear. Fear is understandable. Being afraid of heights is easy enough to deal with. Just stay away from situations where you are required to be high up in the air. Spiders. Keep a fly swatter, bug spray, cup and paper to capture it, or toilet paper to kill it. Maybe even someone who isn't afraid of them will come to your aid and save you. Fear of rejection? Now, that one is harder. Rejection comes in all sorts of forms. You didn't get a job. You didn't make a team. You didn't get the guy/girl. They all sting. Unfortunately, there really isn't a thing you can do to avoid it, besides being a shut it. But, then you die alone..
Emotions have been giving me hell the last couple days. I wish I could just drink formaldehyde or put on 3 nicotine patches to figure things out. Instead, my brain is muddled with feelings and I have a hard time separating them from fact and necessity. Instead of just saying," I'm going to do..." it's more like," I feel like I could maybe.." which is no help at all. Attitude is an important thing all. People always say that when you have a positive attitude, you can do anything. Well, that maybe be true if you also believe that what you put out, is what you receive. Well. I just spent the last 3 months putting out positive vibes with high hopes. That isn't what I got back. I got disappointments and dead ends. And sad. Freaking Sherlock doesn't have to put out feelings. He just knows. He is so confident that he is never wrong once he has all of the data that he never is. That's a little cocky, but you catch my drift. How would it be to feel so sure of yourself, that no matter what anyone says? They think you're crazy but because you have all of the information, you can't be wrong. And you know it.
He gets the factual stuff correct. How people got killed, who did it. Maybe not always why, but he gets it right. He has his John Watson for the feelings. Sometimes, I feel more like John. Feeling everything more because he's feeling it for two people. Not that I'm feeling for two people, but it just seems so intense sometimes. For example. I'll think of things that I've heard, or things people have said to me. They make my heart wrench sometimes. So much so that it's a flinch. Closing my eyes and turning my head to try to block it out. I'd plug my ears, but that doesn't really help.
Not only can he shut out feelings and give way to all sorts of facts and data, he chooses who he lets into his life, and to what extent. People, we are social creatures. We NEED human interaction to survive. But, along with that human interaction comes disappointment. You can feel for a person deeply. Strongly. You can feel protective. So many other things. But what happens when the person you feel any type of feeling for weather that be protective or love, isn't returned. When you go out on a limb for them, only to have them cut the limb that you were standing on, just to let you fall alone?
One thing that he and I do have in common is how we feel about our friends. I have a few more than he does, but we hold them with such high regard and esteem. That is something that a person can be proud of. The feeling of devotion, in all its different types, to a person. To know that they have the same devotion to you. That, is when feelings can be beneficial.
Along with other feelings; joy, excitement, relief, and love. To laugh from the deepest part of yourself, the kind that hurts your stomach and cheeks. To feel connected to a group of people, in one common purpose. The happiness that can bring. How your heart lifts up in your chest, and feels like you're glowing with the fullness of the feeling. To feel so lucky to know who you know, to have in your life those you do have.
Really. I have a love/hate relationship with feelings.
For each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Pretty sure that this law can apply to feelings as well. For that joy, there is devastation. For that love, there is heartbreak. For trust, there is deception. I know why we have the opposites. "Man are that they might have joy." Pretty sure that is just part of it. And I know that if we don't feel sorrow, we can't feel joy. We have to be able to feel the difference.
Sometimes, I wonder how it would be just to feel content all the time. Not hot or cold. Not happy or sad. Just to be. Would that be a relief? Or with that, would the loss of feelings be something you would miss? I would assume so. But, we humans are never happy. Think about it. It's summer, and we are praying for winter. It's winter and we beg for summer heat. Is there ever a time where we are just happy with how things are?
Why can we not just accept it as it is? Why do we always feel the need to change situations, even if they aren't bad? You make enough money to pay your bills and live comfortably, not excessively, but you still want to make more money? You want to have more things? It's so frustrating.
After this whole rant, part of me still wishes I was him. Mere fact. Data. Very little feeling to influence decisions. The other part of me appreciates the feelings. The diversity can make for interesting times, and brings some of the greatest feelings. One of my favorites, gratitude.
It might not seem like it right now, but I am grateful for the way things are. Other things are going to take me longer to be grateful for. Some things occur quickly. Things like my family, and closest friends that I am so happy to have.
I always hope that my friends and family can feel as grateful to have me, as I do them. They are the most important people in my life, and I love them all. <3
