Dumb As Rocks and Internet Dating

Oh the HORRORS of this week! You guys can hardly imagine things I've said, and things that have happened just in the last few days. I am an AWFUL human being. Though, I still stick by what I've said and done because I do have a back bone! I'm sure you're curious as to what I'm talking about. Don't worry. I'll share my stories with you. You are partially my family after all.
Let me start with my creeper "date" I went on this week. I'm going to explain why I did this first though! No judgments! Please! This will NEVER happen again because I was absolutely HORRIFIED at what happened. Yes. I'm using my caps lock button a lot today. It's just because I have so much passion about how horribly awful that evening was!
It starts with internet dating. Oh gosh. Even thinking about it, I'm just cringing. Do I recommend it? No way! I will tell nobody no matter how desperate you are to do online dating! Me? I wasn't desperate. It was out of boredom. This is what I decided to do when I was house sitting a couple of weeks ago. The ONLY reason is because I was spending so much time alone that I needed some contact with people, even if it was via inter-web! So! I joined this site and talked to a few people over the weeks. I didn't give out my number to anyone except the ONLY CRAZY ON THAT SITE! Okay, he's not the only crazy, but he's the only one I was talking to.
Well, he called me on Monday evening because he was closer to my location. (He lives in SLC btw). Well, he called and asked if I would like to hang out. He didn't sound crazy at all. He was communicating clearly and all of that jazz. So, I said yes. I texted him my address (I KNOW! I KNOW!) And he came right on over. Thank GOODNESS it was 9 o'clock at night because that is much easier to cut the evening short. Why would I want to cut the evening short right when he walked into my home? Let's start with the fact that this boy wasn't wearing any freaking shoes! With his nasty dirty feet. Ewwww. And! He smelled so AWFUL. Like B.O. Onion-y B.O. GAHHHH. I just wanted him out of my house right then. So, I grabbed my keys and we went out for frozen yogurt. When we walked into the yogurt shop, guess what he didn't have on? SHOES. Golly. But, that isn't it.
While we were riding in the car, he kept looking at me in this weird unsettling way. Like he was trying to make eye contact with me while I was driving. It was very very intrusive. Of course, I didn't want to make eye contact at all because I was worried he would see the utter revulsion in my eyes because believe me, it was there. Well, we get back to my house and I look at my mom when I walk in the door and mouthed "help" as discretely as I could. She looked at me like "How!?" I shook my head.
This person and I walk downstairs. I had started watching Rent before he called, and I decided that I wanted to watch that. All the while, I'm plotting on how I can get this guy to leave my house in the shortest amount of time. I keep faking things like I have to pee or I need a drink so that I can just get away from him. Oh! BTW. He put his nasty black-soled feet right on my coffee table! Oh! And! He kept poking me! While I was driving, while we were sitting down.
I HATE being poked. SOOOOO much. Why? It's because when people start poking you, it's like being tickled. You tell them to stop, and they just don't! I'm getting mad just thinking about this. ANYWAYS. He kept poking me in the side, in the head, on my foot, while we're watching this movie. I looked at him three different time and said, "WHAT are you doing?! Why?? Knock it off! I hate that!" He just kept saying," I didn't do it very much." I told him "You've been doing it all night. Leave me alone." He didn't. Freaking creep. So, after a few trips upstairs, begging my mom to fake an emergency or SOMETHING so I could get him to leave, I got an idea. Just a little white lie to control when he left me alone. I just told him that I had to work at 6 a.m. the next morning. I didn't have to work at all until 6 p.m. But! Who cares! It worked!
At 10:30 p.m. I walked him outside, gave this stinky boy an awkward side hug and said,"Drive safe. Don't crash." Then walked right inside. If that is not a hint, then I don't know what is.
To finish my evening, I got two texts from him "Did you have fun tonight, cuttie?" Just like that. The answer is NO. I didn't have fun! I was scared for my life most of the time! The crazy thing is, Gentry, my cute little sister only passed this boy (who I refer to as the Creeper) once. When she did, she went right up to my mom and said,"I don't get good feelings about that boy." Then proceeded to tell me that when he looked at me, he looked like he was going to kill me. Cue chills. Blalllah. Oh! One more creepy thing that kept happening. He would look at me (though I wouldn't look at him) and when I'd say "what", he would just say "hi." GAOIEAOIERIG! I had to freak out a little. Sorry. I have refused to text this person back because I don't know how to say "leave me alone" in a nice way.
On to the next event!! This is my embarrassing moment. Golly. I can't believe I'm going to post this where everyone can see it, but I'm not going to deny that I said it because I will stand by what I said! Basically, I was at work at Arby's. I hate when we hire new people because little do people know, fast food is hard. You have to be quick, smart, and be able to do things by yourself. Not just wait for instructions on what to do. And that is all new kids do: stand around and wait to be told what to do.
Well, we have this new hire. He is REALLY slow. No just at the jobs he's doing, but actually learning what to do. For example. I asked him to pull all of the tables out and sweep under them with the little push sweeper. You all know what this is, yes? A vacuum without a cord. Every church, school, or company has had or does have one of these! He pulled out a table and then said,"No what?" "Sweep under it" I said. "How?" Mind you, he has the sweeper IN HIS HAND. I make the motion of vacuuming and say" Like that." Good grief.
Anyways, all new kids start out dumb as rocks. Some either grow out of it, or they stay a rock. So, I tell a girl who works there,"This new kid is dumb as rocks." She couldn't hear me so I had to repeat it like 4 times before she got it. Then she says,"Uh, that's my brother." Insert face palm. Let's dig my hole deeper, shall we? I replied,"Really? Well, he's dumb as rocks." GOOD FREAKING GRIEF. What was I thinking?!  Who says that right to someones face!? Well, I do. I figured it was better than trying to back peddle. So, now I just have to deal with the results. Which is extreme awkwardness! Ughhh. Oh well. I'll deal with it. Hopefully this boy will prove me wrong and turn into a whip. But, if I'm right, he'll still be a rock. Oh. Let's top this off with the fact that his mother works there too. She is a manager. I am awesome, huh?
Anyways. I though you guys would like to hear about my week since I know you care oh so much! In any case! Thank you as always for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!! Love you!!