Oh how time flies when you're wasting your time. Wasting? What do I mean by this? Ironically, it's another W word. Work. I know, I know. We all get paid to go and bust our butts for barely over minimum wage for 9 hours a day, and a thirty minute lunch that we have to pay for. ( Unless they decide to donate out of date or almost out of date food.. Or it's Thirsty Thursday. Which means there is only beverages, but that's one less thing to buy.) One day, we'll give up work and go back to a bartering system where all is fair and just. Sigh. Only in Utopia. Anyways, now you know why I'm so delayed with my communications.
As you can see by my title, I've been mulling over the titles that we give people in order to establish a certain type of relationship. We have our "besties" to whom we tell our darkest, deepest secrets. Like where we buried the body of our ex. Or who we call when we have a broken heart, a new joke, or had one of the best days of our life. Someone to scream and metaphorically jump around with. In any case. These titles, these words seem to make our life infinitely better, or crush it in an instant. How is this possible? How can the fact that we don't have a boyfriend, or lost our best friend have such a huge impact on our lives?? Maybe this is something that we inadvertently learn in grade school, or maybe it's before that, what with sibling rivalry. In any case, I've been really struggling with this.
I had a best best best friend. I think that growing up with a best friend got me attached to that idea of having one. Sure, you can still confide in people. But there is something about the bond that comes with the title of life long friends. I am not sure what it is, but you get a bond that is almost like sisters. Sometimes, even when you have a sister but your bond isn't that tight, then you worry about telling them things because it might just get back to your parents. You can't have that. When you get older though, things either get better or worse. You either stay friends as you move through your college life, heading in to married life and so on or you don't. I think that is the true test of friendship right there.
My best friend and I have bridged a gap. Granted, I put the gap there in the first place. I have this problem. Confession time! I get jealous. But it's only about one specific thing and that is when my friends have a serious boyfriend. See?? There is that title again. I usually don't care as long as I'm out dating people, but when I'm at home most of the time or at work and don't get asked out, or don't have time to go out, I get so frustrated because I depend on my friends to find entertainment. Only because when they have a boyfriend, that is all they want to talk about and all they can focus on. It gets very frustrating. In any case, when my friend got married, she couldn't do anything without her husband. Honestly, she still can't. If you've ever seen that episode of How I Met Your Mother when they talk about being "we" people, then you see her relationship. It still tap dances on my nerves, but as long as we're just talking on the phone, we can have a conversation with just us. Though I was just informed this week that he is privy to all of our conversations. Humph.
In any case. To shorten this little rant, I just wanted to say that I miss having a best friend. Most of the time, I can be the best friend you've ever had. I will buy you lunch or answer my phone in the middle of the night if you need someone to talk to. But, I don't have friends like that.. I have an awesome sister who I love and she would do almost anything for me. I also have a fabulous cousin! Though, she has a child and I cannot justify calling her in the middle of the night. Though I will shoot her a text! ( Love you guurrrl!) In any case, I have some great friends to hang out with, but I feel like I'm lacking that emotional connection. Must be a trust issue or something.
Nextly, we have the title of boyfriend. This one is a big one for me. All of my friends and family know that I have yet to smooch someone. I'm so picky about this because I want it to mean something. So whenever I go out, my guard is up.. Like all the way up to the heavens. Well, I'm going to drop a bombshell. I met Mr. Intriguing. And I let my guard down completely. That is a huge step for me. I'm absolutely NOT going into details here. But, there is a reason I've tried to avoid this sort of contact because I know how other people handle it. It's something that you almost crave. Something you want more and more once you've had it once. Most people get this out of their system earlier in life than me. Waiting this long, I have had a lot of time to think about it, hear people talk about. See it in movies. All of that stuff. So, when I took the small, though decisive step that I did, it was probably not well thought out.
Any guy I actually like and want to have the more physical relationship with moves on very very quickly. Mr. I. has two jobs and is going to school. So it is understandable that he is very busy. Though, in my opinion, if you really like someone, you're going to figure out a way to say hello or have some sort of contact. I guess I hear from him once a day. Around midnight. Needless to say, the flirting stopped. The cute little texts. All of that is on hold. I am absolutely sure I didn't misread that evening. School started the next day, so it is very very possible he is just too busy. But you know us girls. We over-think everything and turn nothing into something. So after this little freeze-out experience, I just want to go back to my not dating thing. I have a big heart, and I tend to give everything I have to everyone I know. But, I can't do it anymore until it's returned. Either with friends or significant others. Gah.
Anyways. I think that is all of the pearls of negativity that I have in me tonight. I love you, my blog family!! I hope you're enjoying your week! TGIF (Tomorrow..)
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Making Deals with Death and Running For Dear Life
Hello my interweb family! Oh my goodness gracious me. I have been meaning to write for days and days. But, I'm not going to lie, I've had more pressing matters. Though, I do have a story or two for you, I also have some serious business to attend to first. I'm sure you noticed the title to this blog. Let me start off by saying that I hate Death. Unless he shows up in a movie where love conquers all. Or Harry Potter. But, when death shows up in real life, I can't tell you how much I hate this. I am not good at dealing with Death. I haven't been able to have a conversation with him to tell him to stay away from me. Nor has he told me how I should deal with him. He just shows up unexpectedly and steals someone away from me. This is not okay.
Recently, I lost a friend.. His other friends lost their best friend or maybe a girl lost her boyfriend. His family lost a brother, a cousin, and most importantly, a son. I am not going to pretend that he and I were extremely close or anything like this. That would be a total lie. However, we did go to school together. We shared a class, and he and my sister shared a class. I would always visit her at the beginning of said class because I would be heading home for the day. Now, this boy loved to push people's buttons. And he was VERY good at it. He was rarely annoying about it, mostly it was just endearing. But only mostly! There were a few times that I myself wanted to put him in his place. Let me explain.
Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that my romantic history extends to hand holding because I am a very picky girl. I know what I want and I won't waste my time on someone who can't give me what I know I need. My sister happened to point out to this young man that I sort of have a personal space issue because it is so weird having someone in kissing distance of my face. For me, this is just awkward. Mostly it's because I'm horrified that someone is going to plant one on me and that I will be bad at it. So, now that he knew this vital information, he intended to use it against me.. So any time he saw me, he would get about 3 inches from my face and say,"Hey Sidney. How's it going?" I would say, "Go away, Brian." We would continue to bicker from there. Oh high school. Such... semi-fond memories.
Now you see what I mean about pushing buttons. I'm also pretty sure our English teacher had a button that he pushed that made her say, "BRIAN! STOP!" All the while, she would be laughing at his inappropriate comment or rude noise. In closing about him, I just want to say that despite our disagreements and arguments, he was a really great guy. And when he decided to go on a mission, my respect for him increased. So with that I know that he is in a better place.
Now, it's actually been a work in progress for this particular entry. I've been working on it for 3 weeks, just not quite sure how to get any of the words out. So! The other story I was going to tell you? I don't remember them. Instead, I'll focus on recent stories that are sure to make you smile after such a dreary topic.
Firstly, I want to tell you about the running. I have NEVER been a runner. I was a dancer for quite a few years, but running was never something I cared about. Now? I wouldn't say I love running, but I want to love it, and I'm going to try soooo hard to love it. To develop a passion for it. Not just an OCD relationship to where I want to beat my own times, but a passion where I love to do it. Anyways, I've been running for about a month and a half now. The first three weeks I was doing really really well. I couldn't believe it. I was doing 4 miles in 43 minutes. Then I gave myself Rectus Femoris Tendon Inflammation. (Or thigh splints.)
So, I had to give running a two week break. I was soooo livid. But, I rode the bike to keep up my heart rate and still be able to get a work out. Just low impact. So, when I started running again, it's been like starting from scratch. So in starting from scratch, I have been using my dad's Vibrum Five Fingers. They are the barefoot running shoes. Obviously, you're not barefoot, but to get more info, just Google it. It's too much to write on here! So, I've been training with the shoes because of the benefits.
In the process, two days in my legs were so sore, I was walking like a duck. With my butt poking out and my knees bent and spread. Walking down the stairs backwards because it hurt less. So, I had to take two days break. Once I could walk again, I started up. After about 4 more days of running, my left foot developed a massive case of the blisters. Oh my goodness. They didn't hurt that bad except for one right under my big toe. So, take 3 more days off while they heal. Unfortunately, I had a commitment to run in a 5K with a couple of the greatest girls from work! So, I had one day after I started running again to get used to my toe shoes again. I'd been taping my toes and the balls of my feet to protect them, so I figured that would suffice for the run.
I was wrong.
For two reason, I was not even close to ready for this run! Physically or mentally. We'd been at work for ages and I was exhausted and all I could think about was going home and going to bed. Not to mention the big cup of Lemonade that I downed, and the 3 burritos. Oh for shame. But, I was going to try for the free shirt! Kat-Kat is a serious runner! She'll deny it, but she looked fierce. G-money had a sore back and didn't think she would be able to run. This was just a lie. By the time we started going, I'd run maybe half a mile before I had to give up and start walking. Kat-Kat was so far ahead. G-money was taking a slow pace because she is just the chief of all chiefs. No warrior left behind and all that. She could've finished that race 10 minutes or more ahead of me, but that sweet thang stayed at my pace! Bless her heart! We finished at 42 minutes I think. (G-money? Is that right??) Shameful. But! Considering the last month of my running habits, it was decent. Kat-Kat and her husband were cheering us on at the finish line. And G-money was giving me a celebration by the end of it! Sooo embarrassing!! Why?! Because I don't want to be looked at like an invalid! I just wanted to do it, and I did! So next time, I'm going to kick my old time's butt! And hopefully G-money doesn't get faster because I will not be able to keep up if she gets to her old time which is like a 6 minute mile. I might be able to keep up with Kat Kat though.
Anyways! I ran in my little toe shoes and my tape did NOTHING. Now I have a blister inside of my blister. It is lovely and very very painful!! Battle wounds my friends. But! We all finished the race, and got our shirts! And! I have my first legit number! Yes!!!
So lastly, I want to give a shout out to my home girl T-bone and her sister, who I don't actually have a nick name for. But! They left back to Arizona!! It has been so depressing without them here. It's so quiet on our team. But! My memory of T-bone until I see her again, is of her jumping off one of the big red balls in front of Target, with her cape flying behind her! In my mind, she flew away! Her feet didn't even touch the ground! Lovely!
Next time! I'll tell you guys about the Olympics! But not the ones you're familiar with!! Love you guys!! Thanks for reading, as always!
Recently, I lost a friend.. His other friends lost their best friend or maybe a girl lost her boyfriend. His family lost a brother, a cousin, and most importantly, a son. I am not going to pretend that he and I were extremely close or anything like this. That would be a total lie. However, we did go to school together. We shared a class, and he and my sister shared a class. I would always visit her at the beginning of said class because I would be heading home for the day. Now, this boy loved to push people's buttons. And he was VERY good at it. He was rarely annoying about it, mostly it was just endearing. But only mostly! There were a few times that I myself wanted to put him in his place. Let me explain.
Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that my romantic history extends to hand holding because I am a very picky girl. I know what I want and I won't waste my time on someone who can't give me what I know I need. My sister happened to point out to this young man that I sort of have a personal space issue because it is so weird having someone in kissing distance of my face. For me, this is just awkward. Mostly it's because I'm horrified that someone is going to plant one on me and that I will be bad at it. So, now that he knew this vital information, he intended to use it against me.. So any time he saw me, he would get about 3 inches from my face and say,"Hey Sidney. How's it going?" I would say, "Go away, Brian." We would continue to bicker from there. Oh high school. Such... semi-fond memories.
Now you see what I mean about pushing buttons. I'm also pretty sure our English teacher had a button that he pushed that made her say, "BRIAN! STOP!" All the while, she would be laughing at his inappropriate comment or rude noise. In closing about him, I just want to say that despite our disagreements and arguments, he was a really great guy. And when he decided to go on a mission, my respect for him increased. So with that I know that he is in a better place.
Now, it's actually been a work in progress for this particular entry. I've been working on it for 3 weeks, just not quite sure how to get any of the words out. So! The other story I was going to tell you? I don't remember them. Instead, I'll focus on recent stories that are sure to make you smile after such a dreary topic.
Firstly, I want to tell you about the running. I have NEVER been a runner. I was a dancer for quite a few years, but running was never something I cared about. Now? I wouldn't say I love running, but I want to love it, and I'm going to try soooo hard to love it. To develop a passion for it. Not just an OCD relationship to where I want to beat my own times, but a passion where I love to do it. Anyways, I've been running for about a month and a half now. The first three weeks I was doing really really well. I couldn't believe it. I was doing 4 miles in 43 minutes. Then I gave myself Rectus Femoris Tendon Inflammation. (Or thigh splints.)
So, I had to give running a two week break. I was soooo livid. But, I rode the bike to keep up my heart rate and still be able to get a work out. Just low impact. So, when I started running again, it's been like starting from scratch. So in starting from scratch, I have been using my dad's Vibrum Five Fingers. They are the barefoot running shoes. Obviously, you're not barefoot, but to get more info, just Google it. It's too much to write on here! So, I've been training with the shoes because of the benefits.
In the process, two days in my legs were so sore, I was walking like a duck. With my butt poking out and my knees bent and spread. Walking down the stairs backwards because it hurt less. So, I had to take two days break. Once I could walk again, I started up. After about 4 more days of running, my left foot developed a massive case of the blisters. Oh my goodness. They didn't hurt that bad except for one right under my big toe. So, take 3 more days off while they heal. Unfortunately, I had a commitment to run in a 5K with a couple of the greatest girls from work! So, I had one day after I started running again to get used to my toe shoes again. I'd been taping my toes and the balls of my feet to protect them, so I figured that would suffice for the run.
I was wrong.
For two reason, I was not even close to ready for this run! Physically or mentally. We'd been at work for ages and I was exhausted and all I could think about was going home and going to bed. Not to mention the big cup of Lemonade that I downed, and the 3 burritos. Oh for shame. But, I was going to try for the free shirt! Kat-Kat is a serious runner! She'll deny it, but she looked fierce. G-money had a sore back and didn't think she would be able to run. This was just a lie. By the time we started going, I'd run maybe half a mile before I had to give up and start walking. Kat-Kat was so far ahead. G-money was taking a slow pace because she is just the chief of all chiefs. No warrior left behind and all that. She could've finished that race 10 minutes or more ahead of me, but that sweet thang stayed at my pace! Bless her heart! We finished at 42 minutes I think. (G-money? Is that right??) Shameful. But! Considering the last month of my running habits, it was decent. Kat-Kat and her husband were cheering us on at the finish line. And G-money was giving me a celebration by the end of it! Sooo embarrassing!! Why?! Because I don't want to be looked at like an invalid! I just wanted to do it, and I did! So next time, I'm going to kick my old time's butt! And hopefully G-money doesn't get faster because I will not be able to keep up if she gets to her old time which is like a 6 minute mile. I might be able to keep up with Kat Kat though.
Anyways! I ran in my little toe shoes and my tape did NOTHING. Now I have a blister inside of my blister. It is lovely and very very painful!! Battle wounds my friends. But! We all finished the race, and got our shirts! And! I have my first legit number! Yes!!!
So lastly, I want to give a shout out to my home girl T-bone and her sister, who I don't actually have a nick name for. But! They left back to Arizona!! It has been so depressing without them here. It's so quiet on our team. But! My memory of T-bone until I see her again, is of her jumping off one of the big red balls in front of Target, with her cape flying behind her! In my mind, she flew away! Her feet didn't even touch the ground! Lovely!
Next time! I'll tell you guys about the Olympics! But not the ones you're familiar with!! Love you guys!! Thanks for reading, as always!
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