Confused, Impatient, and Hopeful.

Hey blog family. I have to say I am pretty disappointed this week. And, my feelings are a little unhappy. But, if anything, I will take this as further confirmation for my journey out of here. As some of you may know, I had my going away party on Sunday. It was a little short notice, but still enough time to say if you could make it or not. I sent out a mass post on Facebook to let people know. And the people I know don't really check Facebook, I sent them texts. There were a few people that said they would come or try to make it. Not really a whole lot of response. I was still trying to be hopeful. Too many people wanted to get together before I left, and since I don't have a car anymore, this was the only opportunity. Besides. I am pretty sure I am usually the one who has to drive the majority of the time. Regardless, I thought well! Maybe I will have a few friends who will be willing to make the drive down to Spanish Fork since I wouldn't be back in town for a while.
Before I continue, I have to thank the small group of people who did come. Sharon and your family, Kelly, Nanette and your family, the Rumfield family, Angie and your family. I love you guys dearly. Also, my aunt Dawn, her husband Ron, and Whitley and Hannah. And lastly to my two friends Brooke and Makenzie, aka Favorite. I seriously can't express how much it meant for you to come. I was so worried that nobody would actually show up. These people are those that I will miss sooooo much. I am so grateful for your love and support.
I must say though, I was sorely disappointed that those who I have become so close with in the last few months through work or other activities, didn't come. Or those who I have known for years. That really REALLY hurt. Maybe it is a reality check that I have been neglecting to come to terms with, or something to that extent. Either way, ouch. Now, I don't want to hold grudges (because according to my mom, that gives you kidney stones and those HURT) but it is sort of a relief to know who I can rely on.
In this day and age, it is so hard to tell who is sincere or not. I feel stupid because I cried about leaving some people. People who I thought we had grown close, only to find out that eh, not so much. There isn't a point in wasting tears in those cases.
There are those who did let me know ahead of time that they couldn't make it. And I want you to know that I recognize that, and I love you too. Even those who didn't show up, I still love you because in my mind, we are still friends. Just maybe not as close as I had assumed. That's cool though. You have to pick your battles, and choose who you want to invest your time in. I understand that because I have made those decisions as well.
Either way, I will miss people, and hopefully it won't be too long before I am back in this neck of the woods.
I can't wait to leave here. I can't wait to start the new adventures that are waiting for me. And though I am sure I am going to spend the first week bawling my eyes out, I know that this is a good thing and will make me stronger. Also, I am hoping for guys back there that can man up and say, "Hey, you're swell. Let's go out." It happens here, just not as often. And not usually by those you want to hear it from? Hopefully that makes sense?
All I know, is that Utah is it's own little world and the people who live here are just as unique. Some good, some not. It will be nice to have a change in that department.  I should be on my way on Friday night. What with this huge winter storm, Pax, it has thrown a wrench into my plans pretty well, I stayed up till after 4 am yesterday to get my ticket changed.
On a totally unrelated note, I have kind of been reliving that first kiss experience to figure out exactly what I hoped for, as opposed to what I actually got. Here is my conclusion: I was hoping for the sweet kiss, where he runs his hands through your hair, or along your waist, neck, or back. Not the whole boob grabbing experience that I was introduced to. I mean, who wants start a first kiss or any romantic experience from home plate?! I didn't want to have to worry about him trying to strip my clothes off, or what his hips were doing, where his hands where going, or what in the hell I should do if that stuff happened! I know, I know. Don't be a prude. Hey! I am not a prude! I want the physical interaction as much as the next person, just at a little slower pace. Slow enough for me to have some experience and be like.. Oh, so that's what I am supposed to do. From what I "figured out", you basically just have to mirror whatever they are doing? Blech. I hate that memory. I would really prefer to have some charming man erase it from my mind.
Anyways, that was my little rant for the night. Hope you guys have a happy Valentines day, and if you're single? I am too, so happy Single Awareness Day. Like this one picture says: If you are sad about being alone on Valentines Day, just remember; nobody loves you any other day of the year either.
Except me. I think you are swell.

Just an Update

Oh wow, it has been forever since my last post. I have had a lot on my mind lately, but I haven't been able to organize my thoughts. I have some of them in order now, but we will see exactly how that pans out, won't we?
So! I am leaving in less than a week. This, to me, is totally insane. Me moving across the country all by my lonesome. I mean, yeah, I have dear dear family out there, but I couldn't even go to young women's girls camp without throwing up or getting so sick I had to come home. A year ago, I would have told you you were crazy if you said I was going across the country for adventure and school. I would have laughed straight in your face and told you to get your head checked. But, here we are.
Last weekend, I got rid of my security blankets: my job and my car. It is kind of scary to have one final paycheck headed your way, and then suddenly, it's going to stop. At least there is no car to pay for.. or gas. But that means you are at the mercy of other people. It kind of happens to people. I don't like mooching though. Not only did I do those two things, I moved back to my parents house. I seriously miss my girl, Holly. She and I got really close over the last 7 months, like sisters. But, she is off on her new adventure of marriage! I am so happy for her!! She sold her house and moved to AZ until her wedding! Her fiance is so sweet and they are just cuuuuuuute together! Hopefully it won't be too long before I see her again!
I really hope to see a lot of people sooner rather than later! Some of you Facebook people know that I am having a little "party" on Sunday to say goodbye. It kind of makes me sad because I don't think many people outside of my family will come! That is probably a little selfish, but since my problem I mentioned before hand about the car situation, I can't really go out and see everyone that I want to see. However, my family will be there, and friends that I have known for years will be there as well! Those people I am going to miss so much! Ones that I don't get to see as often as I wish I could, but mean so much to me!
Now that the leaving/trip has been addressed, I just have to take a second to complain about boys. Hopefully, moving will change this. Ladies, you will understand this. You give guys that "okay, I like you! Let's go ahead with this thing" they just sit there and be dumb.  Really? Dudes, get your crap together. He man up and make your move, or leave me alone so I don't waste my time. That is not my favorite thing to do. Wasting time. In their defense, I am not actually brave enough (most of the time) to say that outright. But, actions speak louder than words. Ugh!
Anyways! I don't think I have anymore of my thoughts organized. Sheesh, I still have to get all of my stuff packed, and I have NO idea how this is going to work. So, you probably won't get another post until I am all settled and out of state. Love you guys!