Hey blog family! How are you all doing this lovely evening?? It's just about midnight here, so I am hoping to get this blog posted and done before 1 a.m. I've been doing amazingly well at going to bed before 2, and in most cases 1, and I would love to keep that up! So! I have had one thing especially burning on my mind. I swear, I am just about bubbling over. I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing? More because it's a situation that I can't exactly control at this time.
Boys, you may want to avert your eyes. Or not. Whatever. But I miss Utah men. SO MUCH. LDS men in particular. They are so clean. Not just in appearance but in behavior as well. I think that is one of the things that appeals to people about our church. You can really tell who takes pride in their appearance, more than just the grooming aspect. Most of the guys out here seen with red solo cups, beer bottles, and cigarettes hanging out of their mouths.
Let me say this. I have dated both ends of the spectrum. So, I am not harboring a prejudice against it. But as my ladies from Target know, I tend to lean toward a clean cut man who takes care of his clothes, hair, and yes, even hands. Calluses are fine, but I don't really like having grease and oil stuck in the cracks to get all over me.
Plus, less guys in Utah have those stupid pictures of girls hanging all over them. That just makes you look slutty, guys. Only sluts look for other sluts. Which I guess is fine if that's what you're looking for. So! Back to the point. Utah/LDS men. They glow. I didn't understand that whole thing where people said that LDS members seems to glow. I do now, after seeing all the rough people out here. Good heavens, it's shocking.
And not that I don't have respect for those that are less fortunate, but even a lot of the members out here are lacking that light. That could just be all of the hard times that have befallen everyone now days, but there is something about it. Something about Utah. (Not Mary. No. Get it... ha!) Not to mention it's home.
Streets are numbered there. So you can find your way around so much easier! Here, your landmarks are "the big tree" or "the railroad tracks". I honestly have not been able to get my sense of direction since I landed here! At home, I could tell which way was north! Here, I have no idea what direction I am facing! And yes, I look at the sun! But that really only helps when it's earlier in the morning, or later at night.
Also, the environment is so different. Sometimes, it's really unsettling. I've heard warnings about different parts of the state where it's really rough, and you need to be super careful to not get yourself into trouble. Utah? You have West Valley to worry about. Maybe a couple other cities, but really, that's about it. Here, I'm just on the "good side of town". Any farther down the road, and we would be in the projects where it isn't safe to walk to your mailbox alone. People also take guns with them wherever they go.
I am not one to go against guns. I think people should own them. People kill people WITH guns. Guns just don't go shoot people of their own accord. Still. The fact that we need to worry about crazy people coming at us all puffed up, to the point where we need to have a gun at all time, that is scary. The most you'll get there is flipped off. Sometimes shot. Sometimes.
Anyways. on the same sort of track, I have been thinking again about a few people who are like "Hello! We talked 5 years ago, but we don't talk anymore. I'm coming back into your life. How do you feel about that?" Let me tell you how I feel about that. I feel like there are people who just want to be loved by all people. That really isn't a problem because everyone has a personality type. What IS a problem, is those people tend to be very self centered. They want to take take take all day long, and give nothing back. They're like black holes.
What really drives me up the wall, is that I am the (stupid) personality type that puts too much faith in people. I expect honesty from them, because I give it. I expect openness because I share it. That very rarely happens. Those people are too busy coming up with the next "thing" to hook their "friends" into asking them about their lives so they can gush about themselves. I know. I have this blog. I talk about myself in them. But guess what? It's my blog, I can do what I want. And do I leave you having with tag lines like," I fell in love again. My heart is broken, and I can't believe you did that." No. I'm pretty sure I am spewing all details (however unwanted) left and right so that you don't have to guess. Except for names. I do that mostly to protect my friends. I want attention just like anyone else, but I am not desperate to have it. I have friends and family who I love very much, and I can call them and chat whenever I want. Plus, I have awesome Bestie out here who I LOVE to death! She is fantastic. She knows it! (Go on, brush your shoulders off!)
As for male attention, there is none out here that I am currently seeking, and none back in Utah waiting for me. I do have a problem that I tend to fall completely for people so quickly, and it isn't something I can get over quickly. It took me years to get over the missionary. And I am still working on getting over a couple. Both of them are on the cocky side. ( Which that is totally my fault for liking that kind of thing. What can I say? Confidence gets me.) They both are pretty good looking. (Another weakness, so sue me.) One likes to yank me around like a yo-yo. The other? Ignores me entirely. I can't think of nicknames for them by themselves, so they are now "the terrible two". Such fun. And I fall for that every time! Except the missionary. He was different. Actually, now that I think about it, after he decided to just walk away, I started dating different guys. So basically, this is his fault. (It makes me feel better to place blame.) Now that I am older and I know kind of what I want, I've been having a hard time finding it. My standards are high again. Not that I super lowered them, but the last time I did, I got boob grabbed and slobbered on. So, I don't want to do that again.
That I think is all I have tonight. Except for the tragic passing of cute little Nemo. I had a feeling he was going to die because he couldn't stand up by himself. Any time he did, he fell over and just lay there like he was already dead. I held him today for about 10 minutes, maybe a few longer. He was so scared. All shaking and what not. He eventually calmed down and and took a short (really short) snooze. I wanted to keep him separated from Judas and Iago, (the two that are alive and killed him) because I saw they were being mean to him, but that didn't happen. We don't have the other cage set up. But, Nemo is passed, and buried in the woods. I guess my uncle didn't want to tell me, so my aunt did. So sad. (That's actually funnier if you had been out here with me for the first month.)
And! I want to leave you with a recommendation! If you like the period piece dramas like Jane Eyre, North & South, Pride & Prejudice, and etc..., check out The Paradise on Netflix. This is excellent! The story has held me really well, and I loved the actors/actresses in it! Beautifully done! Also, don't raise pheasants.
I love you all! Sleep tight! <3
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
The Trip
I'm having a tough time tonight. There really isn't a whole lot on my mind, but it's been pressing on me for weeks. The same things. Always the question of "What am I doing". Tonight though, I don't want to focus on that. I'm going to tell a story. It's relatively short, but I realized as I was rattling this story off to the sister missionaries, that it's a story I really haven't told yet, and it actually means a lot to me. It isn't really the kind of story that you're thinking. Not at all like my disastrous first kiss, but it's a story. It's the story of me leaving Utah.
I'm skipping past the decision making and how that all came about. It's literally the story of what happened after I got out of my mom's car and walked into the airport. The first time I have actually done something like that. Something completely alone. Here we go.
After I got out of the car and hugged my family goodbye, and cried, I walked into the airport and waited in line to get my boarding pass and check my bags. Well, I had started out standing behind these two men who were really loud, but they looked at me and said, you might want to go to the other line, it seems they are having problems at this one. I said thanks, then moved to the line on my left. It did go wayyy quicker. However, not fast enough so that my bags didn't tip over while I was standing there. I had three, in case you were wondering. And for some reason, my stupid bag on top of my big one kept swiveling around and tipping both of them over.
After I got the two bags checked, he asked me to take them to the other line and have them put on the belt to board the plane. As I am walking that direction, my bags tip over AGAIN. I was already freaking out because of what I was about to do. I was seriously considering just taking the 300+ dollar loss on my ticket and just go home. Except that my mom told me that she wouldn't come pick me back up. That I couldn't chicken out.
So, my bags are totally unstable, and so are my emotions, and everyone is just watching me struggle. Until the really nice lady that puts the bags on the belt walked over and said, "Here, let me help you with those." She was soooo sweet! I guess I am the personality type that has to share EVERYTHING in my life, because after she said that I said, "Thank you so much. I'm moving and I'm really just freaking out." She nodded and listened and said,"Wow! That's great! I've got your bags taken care of!" When I just stood there, she said, "You can go to the security line now and board your flight. And good luck!" That woman has no idea how much I needed that. Not just the good luck, but the directions. I had no idea where I was going.
So, I went through security, and had to take both of my computers out of my bag, and take off all of the layers I was wearing. I silently apologized to the lady running the belt for the security because it was taking me forever. But, I eventually got through, and packed my bag back up, put my boots on, and went to my gate.
This was seriously one of the smallest gates, and probably in the most ghetto part of the airport. So, I am texting my cousin, and my sister while waiting for my flight. Now, this was Valentines day. Technically it was night time. My flight was supposed to be at 11:58 pm or something? Well.. my plane didn't actually arrive until I think almost 1 am. Not to mention that, but it was when that huge storm was passing over the East coast. The one that shut down Georgia.
And is it just me, or is boarding the plane the worst thing ever?? You have your bag and you're trying not to hit people with it as you go down the aisle. I am telling you, nothing ever makes me feel fatter or more in the way than that! And trying to lift that heavy thing over my head and put it in the bin while people are standing in line behind me? And?? My seat is in the middle, so I have to climb over people! I hate that! Plus, I sat between two guys, and that was a little awkward. I was hoping that one of them would be kind of good looking. Not so much.
Well, as we are flying, I was trying to get some sleep, but I was also scared to sleep because I was worried I would miss my next flight. Well, I had my Ipod playing for a lot of the ride. I watched a couple of movies! Thor was one. I don't remember the other. Warm Bodies maybe? Well, I still had a little while on the plane, and my eyes were burning and my head was starting to hurt. So I turned it off and closed my eyes. Of course I missed the drinks and snacks that were being passed out. I did eventually get a cup of water so that was nice.
Well, after a really bumpy flight, I landed in Charlotte, NC. Which is really stupid because I was going to Raleigh-Durham, NC. Why can they not just have a flight that goes to Raleigh and then I wouldn't have to worry about that?? Well, I landed in Charlotte around 6 am. My flight was supposed to leave at 7:15 or something. I really don't remember, and I was also really really tired.
Well, not only was my first flight delayed, but Charlotte airport was the most unprofessional airport ever. I couldn't believe it. By the time we actually boarded the plane, we were supposed to have already taken off! Luckily, the flight was really short. But, I was still late landing! I was hoping we would get in early because it had been since I think noon the day before that I had eaten a real meal and by then, I had a roaring headache.
Since we were late, I texted my aunt and uncle to tell them that I was headed toward baggage claim. They said they were already here and just to text them when I got outside. I was like... oooooooh no. I can't get food because they are here, and I don't want to make them wait! So, I sped-walked to the baggage claim and of course beat the bags. I was hoping to at least find a soda machine to get a drink. But, I was trying to hurry.
While I was waiting, I texted my mom and told her that I was landed, and how bad my head hurt, and that I was hungry. She told me to take some medicine and find food. I told her I was trying to hurry so that Keith and Pam didn't have to wait on me. Well, the bags started coming off. I saw one right away because I have a cute little heart from my roommate that she got me for Christmas hanging off the handle. The other one, I was sure I would see fast because it is a weird shaped bag.
However, it was upside down. So, as it went past me, I was thinking...that's probably my bag. Then I saw the owl duct tape on the handle. Yep. It was mine. So, I grabbed my other bags and practically ran to the other side to catch it. I pulled it off and sent a text to my aunt to let her know I was headed outside.
Then I saw it. A soda machine. I had a few dollars in my pocket and I pulled them out, and tried to feed them into the machine. Of course. It wasn't taking them. I gave up quickly, and just walked outside into the freezing East coast humidity. Winter out here is like.. down to your bones cold.
As I kept walking, my bags kept flipping over! Just like they did at the SLC airport! I was too tired and didn't feel good at all, and I did not want to put up with this crap! So, I let them twist and then stood by a bench.
Thankfully, a few moments later, my aunt, uncle, and cousin drove up. They parked a little farther away, so I started to get my bags to move. They were twisted so badly, I didn't actually take any steps towards them! They would not cooperate! But, my uncle came over, gave me a hug, and I said, "Thank you.. I can't get.. they won't...?" No real sentence. But he and my cousin John helped me get them into the car.
The last part of the story is this: my mom had texted my aunt to tell her my head hurt and that I was hungry. So she said," Okay. We need to get you food and medicine."
That is how my life here started.
There was more that happened that day. I stayed awake as long as I could, but fell asleep around 1 or 2 pm, and then slept until 7 or 8 pm. Woke up, ate food, and went back to sleep.
Anyways. That's my story.
I know it isn't really a big, important story, but, it seems so surreal even now. It's hard to think about it. More because it was such a whirlwind thing. It all went so fast.
And.. that's all I have to say about that..
Night all. Love you.
I'm skipping past the decision making and how that all came about. It's literally the story of what happened after I got out of my mom's car and walked into the airport. The first time I have actually done something like that. Something completely alone. Here we go.
After I got out of the car and hugged my family goodbye, and cried, I walked into the airport and waited in line to get my boarding pass and check my bags. Well, I had started out standing behind these two men who were really loud, but they looked at me and said, you might want to go to the other line, it seems they are having problems at this one. I said thanks, then moved to the line on my left. It did go wayyy quicker. However, not fast enough so that my bags didn't tip over while I was standing there. I had three, in case you were wondering. And for some reason, my stupid bag on top of my big one kept swiveling around and tipping both of them over.
After I got the two bags checked, he asked me to take them to the other line and have them put on the belt to board the plane. As I am walking that direction, my bags tip over AGAIN. I was already freaking out because of what I was about to do. I was seriously considering just taking the 300+ dollar loss on my ticket and just go home. Except that my mom told me that she wouldn't come pick me back up. That I couldn't chicken out.
So, my bags are totally unstable, and so are my emotions, and everyone is just watching me struggle. Until the really nice lady that puts the bags on the belt walked over and said, "Here, let me help you with those." She was soooo sweet! I guess I am the personality type that has to share EVERYTHING in my life, because after she said that I said, "Thank you so much. I'm moving and I'm really just freaking out." She nodded and listened and said,"Wow! That's great! I've got your bags taken care of!" When I just stood there, she said, "You can go to the security line now and board your flight. And good luck!" That woman has no idea how much I needed that. Not just the good luck, but the directions. I had no idea where I was going.
So, I went through security, and had to take both of my computers out of my bag, and take off all of the layers I was wearing. I silently apologized to the lady running the belt for the security because it was taking me forever. But, I eventually got through, and packed my bag back up, put my boots on, and went to my gate.
This was seriously one of the smallest gates, and probably in the most ghetto part of the airport. So, I am texting my cousin, and my sister while waiting for my flight. Now, this was Valentines day. Technically it was night time. My flight was supposed to be at 11:58 pm or something? Well.. my plane didn't actually arrive until I think almost 1 am. Not to mention that, but it was when that huge storm was passing over the East coast. The one that shut down Georgia.
And is it just me, or is boarding the plane the worst thing ever?? You have your bag and you're trying not to hit people with it as you go down the aisle. I am telling you, nothing ever makes me feel fatter or more in the way than that! And trying to lift that heavy thing over my head and put it in the bin while people are standing in line behind me? And?? My seat is in the middle, so I have to climb over people! I hate that! Plus, I sat between two guys, and that was a little awkward. I was hoping that one of them would be kind of good looking. Not so much.
Well, as we are flying, I was trying to get some sleep, but I was also scared to sleep because I was worried I would miss my next flight. Well, I had my Ipod playing for a lot of the ride. I watched a couple of movies! Thor was one. I don't remember the other. Warm Bodies maybe? Well, I still had a little while on the plane, and my eyes were burning and my head was starting to hurt. So I turned it off and closed my eyes. Of course I missed the drinks and snacks that were being passed out. I did eventually get a cup of water so that was nice.
Well, after a really bumpy flight, I landed in Charlotte, NC. Which is really stupid because I was going to Raleigh-Durham, NC. Why can they not just have a flight that goes to Raleigh and then I wouldn't have to worry about that?? Well, I landed in Charlotte around 6 am. My flight was supposed to leave at 7:15 or something. I really don't remember, and I was also really really tired.
Well, not only was my first flight delayed, but Charlotte airport was the most unprofessional airport ever. I couldn't believe it. By the time we actually boarded the plane, we were supposed to have already taken off! Luckily, the flight was really short. But, I was still late landing! I was hoping we would get in early because it had been since I think noon the day before that I had eaten a real meal and by then, I had a roaring headache.
Since we were late, I texted my aunt and uncle to tell them that I was headed toward baggage claim. They said they were already here and just to text them when I got outside. I was like... oooooooh no. I can't get food because they are here, and I don't want to make them wait! So, I sped-walked to the baggage claim and of course beat the bags. I was hoping to at least find a soda machine to get a drink. But, I was trying to hurry.
While I was waiting, I texted my mom and told her that I was landed, and how bad my head hurt, and that I was hungry. She told me to take some medicine and find food. I told her I was trying to hurry so that Keith and Pam didn't have to wait on me. Well, the bags started coming off. I saw one right away because I have a cute little heart from my roommate that she got me for Christmas hanging off the handle. The other one, I was sure I would see fast because it is a weird shaped bag.
However, it was upside down. So, as it went past me, I was thinking...that's probably my bag. Then I saw the owl duct tape on the handle. Yep. It was mine. So, I grabbed my other bags and practically ran to the other side to catch it. I pulled it off and sent a text to my aunt to let her know I was headed outside.
Then I saw it. A soda machine. I had a few dollars in my pocket and I pulled them out, and tried to feed them into the machine. Of course. It wasn't taking them. I gave up quickly, and just walked outside into the freezing East coast humidity. Winter out here is like.. down to your bones cold.
As I kept walking, my bags kept flipping over! Just like they did at the SLC airport! I was too tired and didn't feel good at all, and I did not want to put up with this crap! So, I let them twist and then stood by a bench.
Thankfully, a few moments later, my aunt, uncle, and cousin drove up. They parked a little farther away, so I started to get my bags to move. They were twisted so badly, I didn't actually take any steps towards them! They would not cooperate! But, my uncle came over, gave me a hug, and I said, "Thank you.. I can't get.. they won't...?" No real sentence. But he and my cousin John helped me get them into the car.
The last part of the story is this: my mom had texted my aunt to tell her my head hurt and that I was hungry. So she said," Okay. We need to get you food and medicine."
That is how my life here started.
There was more that happened that day. I stayed awake as long as I could, but fell asleep around 1 or 2 pm, and then slept until 7 or 8 pm. Woke up, ate food, and went back to sleep.
Anyways. That's my story.
I know it isn't really a big, important story, but, it seems so surreal even now. It's hard to think about it. More because it was such a whirlwind thing. It all went so fast.
And.. that's all I have to say about that..
Night all. Love you.
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