The Journey

Hey blog family. I really felt like I needed to write this post. Yes, I know it's late. But, since I am currently at my night job, I have the time. So, many of you know that I work at a home for girls who have substance abuse problems. They are so young! It breaks my heart. I honestly don't know if I could handle what these girls are going through. Tonight is the first night I've really seen the girls awake. Well one girl. Obviously, I can't give you details of this girl. But tonight, one of the girls was up and crying. Usually, they're in bed when I get here, and completely asleep. I guess she got permission to sit out in the hall and write in her journal. When I went up to do my next round, she was still out there with tears streaming down her face. On my next, she was in her bed, and still crying. This sort of this is so sad to me.
Why? Well, obviously, it really is terrible to see these girls in pain. Also, you have to put yourself in their place. They really have nothing at this point. They've been taken from their families, homes, friends, and normal way of life. (Granted, they aren't making excellent decisions to get here, but it's still their routine.) They are placed in a house with a bunch of other girls who have similar problems and struggles, different challenges. All who, admittedly, have an attitude, and lets face it, girls butt heads. They have all of their choices taken away from them. Their entire day is now planned out for them, from the time they wake up, till when they go to bed. Their food is chosen every day. It's just.. so hard. I don't think I would be able to do it.
Some of these girls run. They take off, and go missing for a while, then when they are found, they can end up in DT or if they are lucky, they can come back to one of our programs at the Journey. They aren't always allowed back.
But, the fact that these girls are struggling with this sort of stuff just seems so unfair. I know, we all have our choices, but these trials are for these girls, that the Lord knew they would be able to handle. Unfortunately, these girls don't know that they can handle it. They have no idea how strong they actually are. It might take them years to find out. They might not ever find out. And they don't trust adults, or people enough to listen to their therapists or guides when they tell them. They can only go as far as they let themselves.
I really have always wanted to be in this line of work. I would really like to do this during the day so that I would be able to interact with the girls and help them more than just checking on them every once in a while to make sure they haven't run, or anything. I'm so grateful that I do get to help. That on nights like this, I can ask a girl if there is anything I can do to help. I can only do so much. I really can't talk much to her, but, I can have her sleep on the couch and I can keep her company. Be the silent moral support. I just wish that all of these girls knew they were in the same boat, and they could help each other by being kind. And supportive. And for some of these girls, it really does click! And they know they have the chance to get better, and they make the effort. And that is one of my favorite parts about this job.
As part of our training, we have to read a couple of books. I've been reading the one called "The Anatomy of Peace". If you ever have the chance to read this book, do it. It will absolutely change your life. To give you a brief over view, it's about how we can all have a more peaceful heart and life by looking at people AS people, and not objects. For example. When someone cuts you off, you have now labeled as a jerk. A jerk, isn't a person, you have now made them to be an object. And because they are an object, you are more prone to be rude and call names. Once their a person again, you approach them with humanity. Like I said, brief overview, but really, it is an amazing book.
Also. Keeping in line with that train of thought, you never know what's going on with people in their own lives. If everyone was living behind glass walls, we might understand each other better. But we don't. We have to keep in mind that maybe.. this person does something because they've had a traumatic experience. Maybe some sort of abuse, or loss. Unfortunately, life can knock us down, and it can do it in such a way that we can't think of anything else to do but act out. Drinking and drugs to dull pain. Suicide to escape it. Bullying people to lessen your hurt, by making someone else hurt. Maybe in that respect, they are trying to bring someone to their level, to know how miserable they are. Misery loves company after all, so maybe that is more of a cry for help. Nobody really knows.
What I do KNOW, and I feel it's true, is that we have to be more respectful of people as people. And you can't run around trying to fix everything and every one. First, look to yourself and see if maybe the problem is in yourself, not with who you're conflicting. Once you've established this, you can step outside of yourself, and your own head to think of the problem objectively instead of internalizing it and making it personal. Once you can step out of your "box" and see all angles of the issue, only then can you not only help fix a problem, but prevent future problems.
Anyways. I think I got out all I wanted to say. Really, I can't say this enough. If you get the chance to read this book, do it. And maybe read it once a year to keep it fresh in your mind. I know its principles pop into my head at the moments I need it the most. Right when I think I'm going to lose my cool, I'll remember to get outside of my head and my "box" and it immediately helps me calm down and think rationally. Gosh. This is too deep for 1:30 in the morning.. Anyways! I love you guys, and sweet dreams! Or good morning.. just depending on whenever you read this.

The Justification

I have a major headache today, so I'm going to try to make this brief. So. All of my peeps know that I do the online dating thing. That wouldn't be totally necessary except that I really don't get options to go out and do things. If I were in school or something, then that right there puts me in the position to meet people of the male gender. Well, as that isn't financially possible at the moment due to my really weird employment, online dating it is.
I know. People can really suck online. Most people use it as a medium to hook up and what not. But, there are the few people who are looking to actually make a connection. They are just way harder to find. To try to avoid getting the attention of the dudes that just want that one night stand, my profiles specify that I am LDS, and that I'm not looking to hook up. (It legit says "I DON'T WANT TO HOOK UP. I don't believe in that because, dammit, I'm a lady. Classy huh?)
So. I think that makes it fairly clear. Sometimes, you have to use a profanity to make your point. I thought I was clear. Well. This has happened twice so far. These two guys both decided to write me. Both stated that they are LDS. In almost the same breath, they then state that they are looking for that one night stand thing. One was more like.. "I wish girls just gave out handies" which I told you about already. This next guy told me that he believes that sex is just another thing that needs to be practiced in moderation. Because apparently, the reasons that it was frowned upon back in the biblical days, doesn't hold up anymore. He said that he thinks that it was because kids need to be brought up in good homes. But because now we have contraception and birth control, it doesn't hold true.
WRONG. In fact. It's more important now than it was before! You want a list?? Okay. Here it is. Main one. ST FREAKING D's! I'm sorry, but just because you wrap it up, doesn't mean you are totally immune. Next. Babies. Now days, a LOT of babies are coming into this world with only one parent. That is now how a family unit is supposed to be. Things can happen later in life or what not that makes it so that child only has one parent. But only having one parent because you had a one time quicky in a bathroom?? No. No no no. And I'm not saying that single mothers are not doing all they can. I'm sure they are. And they are strong for doing it themselves.
Next. Emotional connection. Let me quote a favorite band of mine: "When a heart breaks, it don't break even." Someone is always going to feel the pain of that one night stand more than the other. Not to mention, one night stands make it so you don't have to connect with the other person. How is that right?? Even taking religion out of this: how is it okay to share something so special with someone who don't care enough about to learn their last name?? I don't think that's right. Not even a little.
The last reason I'm going to give in this: addiction. Now. The LDS has a really strict stance on pre-marital sex. Or anything related to it. Pornography, books and movies, so on. Did you ever wonder why that is? It's because people get so fixated on things pertaining to sex that it interrupts their normal life. Their sex lives with their spouse. Their lives with their friends and families.
The flip side of that coin is this. Because the church is sooooo strict about it, LDS kids have so much pent up sexual frustration. The temptation to sleep around is almost stronger for some because they have it on their mind. Thinking constantly, "I can't do that. I can't do that. Not till I'm married." What I'm going to say might be a little controversial. I think that it is wrong how the church makes young adults so afraid of sexual interaction. Sex is a natural process. It's perfectly normal. We shouldn't be taught to be afraid of it.
How are we made to be afraid of it? Because sexual sin is one of the more serious ones. BUT GUESS WHAT. We have the plan of salvation. That doesn't mean kids should be out fo'nicatin'. It just means: arm yourself. So you're strong enough to withstand the temptation. If you mess up, you do have the ability to repent. People make it seem so absolute. Like if you have sex before marriage, you are officially screwed (no pun intended) for eternity. That you can't do anything to make it better. You can! You just have to be strong enough and willing to admit you made the mistake and then repent for it. That is the hardest part.
I know how hard it is to get over that "you have to be perfect" mentality. My aunt had to help me with that so much out in Virginia. I always thought you had to be perfect to get into the temple. Like you can't be swearing. You can't have had coffee ever. You have to be just immaculate. Yeah. No. NOBODY on this earth is perfect. And if they say they are, they're lying.
And I know I have blogged about that before. So I'll stop now.
Basically the point of this: why does dating online have to automatically mean that you are just there for a hook up?? Apparently, even if you're LDS that's what it means. And I am so sick of it. I really wish there were a class that like.. Tom Hiddleston or some other really respectful British man could teach. Or I could just go there myself and find one.
Well, that is all for today so.. have a lovely afternoon my people.