"Such an ugly word for something so beautiful." These words are totally on my mind tonight. Along with the word in the title. Naivety. This is a word I would have used years and years ago to describe myself. I never would have used that word now days. At least not for myself. That word is reserved for children and really idiotic high school students. (I was once an idiotic high school student. And ironically enough this has something to do with it..I'll get there.) This particular blog entry seems to need a little back ground story to it. So I'll give you a brief one.
When I was 16 or 17, I was working at the fabulous Red Robin (yuuuum!) as a hospitality crew member. Gotta love it. At the time, a social website called Tagged was very very popular. Or maybe it was Myspace? Either way! Both of them were very popular at some point so it doesn't really matter. Anyways, a boy started chatting with me and we had been talking for quite a while maybe 8 months. We'd never met or anything. However, there was a 2 month period where we didn't speak at all. And one day, I actually got a text from him. Mind you, my phone was so old school, it didn't say if it was a picture message or a text. Well, it was a photo. An obscene photo of something... and I am scarred for life because of this. I was actually at work when I received this photo. I literally screamed and closed the photo. I shook my head because I assumed that was a joke. I mean, I've seen 10 Things I Hate About You. I know the trick. Turns out I asked another person if that was REALLY what I was looking at. They screamed and said YES!!!
I'll tell you what I did. I sent a text to that boy and said," What the H*LL was that?!" He told me he thought I would like it. I told him there was NO way I wanted to see that ever! I told him it was disgusting, and that he was no longer allowed to text me. It ended there.
Now, I know this is getting a little...well..taboo, but I kind of need to get this out. Anybody that has seen the awful set up of a man knows that there is nothing remotely attractive about it. I don't even CARE what you say. It is DISGUSTING. My aversion to it may have something to do with the whole photo-bomb, but honestly, I doubt it. It's not pretty.
Well, since then I have unfortunately still had them pop up in places that they really shouldn't. I'm not desensitized to this, but I have become a little less sensitive. Or at least I thought I had until tonight. There was someone in my past from my Red Robin (yuuuum!) days that I liked a LOT. This person was my abrupt change from my usual R.M. type. Straight laced. Clean cut. This boy was the complete opposite. I can't keep calling him "this person". He needs a nick-name. I'm going to call him Sailor because of one of his tattoos. So, Sailor was exactly like the title. Smoker, drinks like one, talks like one, and was in a band. (Not that sailors are in bands all of the time. Unless it's the Little Mermaid. Then they're opera singers.)
Sailor was very VERY sweet to me. This was the middle of my rebel phase, not to be confused with my emo phase. He knew that I liked him a lot. I was never secretive about it. Oh! Flashback! He had this little ponytail that I thought was adorable. (He wore it up for work.) But when he cut his hair, mmm mmm good.
It's been years since we have really talked. We kind of drifted apart when he told me he wouldn't go out with me because I was too innocent and he didn't want to ruin that. He said it was sweet and what not. I respected that decision and moved on. Though technically at the time I was waiting for a missionary. (THAT FREAKING BUM.)
Tonight he decided to come waltzing back into my life. I was okay with that. Mr. Intriguing has been distance and all of that jazz. (G-Money, I know you're shaking your head right now so knock it off!) Basically it comes down to the fact that I am bored and Sailor is exciting. He was everything that I knew I shouldn't want but did anyways. We were talking and I had mentioned how I hate getting those surprise pictures. Well, there go my corneas. I got one of those surprise pictures. Oh my gosh. I just.. my brain absolutely went. Went where?? WHO FREAKING KNOWS. Just absolutely left me. I had no words. I deleted every thread of conversation that I had in my phone because in order to just delete one thread, I have to go into that conversation. I was NOT about to go looking at that again. So now, I've lost a few important numbers and what not because I'm trying to save my semi-virgin eyes. Needless to say, things got awkward and the conversation ended abruptly.
How does naivety come into play? Let me just say I haven't technically considered myself a "goody two shoes" for a while. I felt like I knew enough and had heard enough, seen enough to discard that title. No. I'm not. I assumed if you mention to a man, a sailor or not, that when you say you don't like something, that they listen to you and respect you. That was issue number one. Issue number two was thinking that switching to an old track of life, that didn't work in the first place would be a good idea. There are reasons that things go they way they do. I suppose some part of me thinks that I missed a shot back in the day with someone important. However, I think the person I'm thinking of walked away from me. And there is absolutely NOTHING I can to to bring this person back. I guess I don't listen to me when I tell myself to face the music and just let it go. Maybe I need a slap in the face for that to actually sink in. My last mistake was thinking I had nothing else to learn. Life doesn't just throw all of it's lessons at you at one time. This all happens and a gradual pace and when you're actually ready to learn that lesson.After tonight, I've learned I am nowhere near educated enough to remove the 'naive' title from my name. I mean honestly, how much can you actually know about life and love when you're working all the time, hardly dating (unless you're going out with Creeper), and you've never been kissed?? Answer? Nothing.
So, over the course of the rest of this year, and the next I'll be challenging myself to step out of my box. Out of my comfort zone and into places that force me to branch ant and become educated in life's lessons. This is a very nerve-wracking choice, but I'm hoping it will be one for the record books. At least my record books.
Well! That is all for an evening of spending time in my blogesphere. Once again! I love to just thank my friends who read this faithfully (G-Money especially for begging me to write more! It give me purpose!) and to the couple members of my family who read this when they've already heard the story! Bless you all! And bless me that I don't get photo-bombed again for many MANY years to come! Love you all!
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