Don't Hold Your Breath

Blog family. I am having a hard hard week. My patience and mental stability is kind of frayed and it is a miracle I haven't just given up, quit my job, and moved where nobody knows me. Next year.. This will happen. I am so sick of all the guys here in Utah. Let me tell you boys! Some of you were not raised right. The majority actually. Of course, there are a few I know that are exempt. But the rest of you?? Ya'll need to get your crap together and put your big boy pants on and NOT be butt heads. It It all started last Sunday. I got all fancied up for church. Did my hurr, and make up, wore my fancy clothes, and all of that jazz. I went to church and sat by myself. Now, this is not even unusual. I usually do and I don't mind it. I try to sit far enough in to the row to give people space to sit next to me. Well, after the sacrament was passed, a couple of bros came and asked to sit by me. I was like, sure, and flashed a friendly smile.
Now, as we are sitting here, the guys start whispering. They both need lessons is whispering. If people sitting next to you can hear you, then you suck at it. The guy sitting farther away from me says, "There are some cute girls in this ward." The boy next to me says, "Oh, where?" And his friend proceeds to point to the other side of the room. Ouch. Excuse me, you big dumbs. You are sitting right next to a female, who in her own opinion is not too shabby. I mean, I am no model but please. Maybe save your stupid male talk until you are not surrounded by people who are trying to learn something??  At least girls have the decency to talk about hot guys through text, notes, or we take trips to the bathroom so we can squeal or gag. Anyways. That is how this week started.
I also decided to go see a guy I like in Provo on Sunday. I don't want to get into detail here, but all of my friends hate him and think he is a jerk. They are probably right. But, he stopped texting me on Sunday out of the blue, and then didn't text me back to Wednesday. You guys, suck.
Now, I need to go back about a month for a second here. There are a couple of guys that I work with that have asked me out. Don't got all happy for me. One is 18 years old. I don't prefer to date guys younger than me. The other is also younger, but only by 1 year or so. Still. I have a thing. Boys mature more slowly than girls. That is just a general fact accepted by society. So. The 18 year old. He is pretty funny, so I laugh a lot. He also seems to be under the impression he wants to marry me. He is always saying stupid, funny pick up lines. Which is fine when you are in high school. His religious view don't match mine, though he was raised in the same religion as me. It's safe to say that at his point, I can't take him seriously. The other guy, he is also a good guy, same religious views just still kind of young acting.
Though these guys are good and funny, they are not what I am looking for. Granted, if you asked for a list, I couldn't give it to you. But I figure I would know it when I see it or feel it. I have waited this long for something special. I am not about to just give that up. I am not about settling. So, this week, I have been trying to handle the advances of 18 year old boy. This is happening at work which could potentially be a problem. Work is hard enough without that. We have also been trying to switch offices. That has literally taken all week long. Plus, as soon as the snow starts to come, I honestly lose myself. I don't even act like the same person because I am just a ball of nerves.
Wednesday comes along and I have had a long day, but went to Spanish Fork to see my family. My sister and I had made plans to go run some errands for my car on Thursday. When Thursday gets here, she decides she is going to not hang out with me. Even after saying that she has been waiting for me to visit for weeks. I understand. She needs friends and doesn't get to hang out often. But I felt super ditched. Not to mention I went and test drove cars with my brother as he now works at a car dealership. That was fun, and I found a car that I really liked. My dad had given me a talk earlier that day about shopping at dealerships, so I was really wound up by the time I went there. So, the car I liked turns out is waaaay out of my price range, even after discounts. All I want is a stinking car that goes in the snow.
So, before I could get myself into trouble, I left. I had to get my current car service and tires rotated and what not. So 150 freaking dollars later.. ugh. Stupid expensive crap. I also was trying to see if I could get a new phone. Mine has been cracked for months. And dumb A contracts won't let me get them. STUPID SPRINT. YOU HAVE THE WORST COVERAGE EVER!! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS JUST OFFER FREAKING UPGRADES WITHOUT STUPID CONTRACTS. So, now I have to keep my cracked phone. Luckily, my brother said he has an upgrade coming, so he might give me his phone until I can get my upgrade in freaking May.
Okay, so I got to work on Friday, and it was rough. We finally moved buildings. But nobody's computers worked and we have so many new people, it is impossible for me to do my job. Now comes Saturday. Today. I set up a meeting at my church last week, which they said was the 17th. That's tomorrow. Turns out it was today. Because someone is a big dumb as well and can't look at a calender. I can't go in because I have work. So.. yeah. Missed that. And work was rough today. 8 calls. That's it. I was answering questions all day long. Which is fine and part of my job, but also, means I miss out on bonuses. NOT FAIR.
The weather sucked, and it was freezing today, so I've been a little tense based off of that alone. So, to end the day and bring me to my current state of pissed off-ness, the guy I went and saw on Sunday texted me. He didn't want to drive, but asked me to come down. At first, I said no because I didn't want to drive either. Stupid weather. But, I told him a little bit later that I would come over if he still wanted me to. I guess to him it seems like an appropriate time to not text back. So I went to sleep. Took a 3 hour nap and everything. But, when I texted him goodnight, I crap you not, a minute later, he texts me back "nighty night" NIGHTY FRIGGIN NIGHT.
Good hell. Boys are dumb which was the main reason for this post. I am ready to quit my job, move to Virginia and stay there forever. I want to sell all of my stuff and just go. Except, I would take my books. My point is, I have been waiting and trying, praying and so on to either feel something more for the guys that I date that are nice, or to find the guy that makes me feel that thing. I am wasting my time with jerks and butt heads. I have been trying to win a guy over but that is going to crap. I can't be a nun because I'm LDS, but that this point, maybe I will be a crazy cat lady. But I am not holding my breath anymore to meet anyone or feel anything. Obviously I don't deserve it.
That is my rant for the week. Night all.