Why I Blog

I am not happy tonight. In fact, I have angry tears. Why? Well let me put it this way, if you don't want to know what is going on and how I see it, then click out of this link now. I don't want you to come back later and see that people have said,"Wow. She is so whiny and complains all the time." And if you feel that way, then you don't know me. At all. I am a generally positive person. I post a lot about the things on my mind which weigh everyone down. I like to work it out on metaphoric paper. It's cathartic. Sort of like the therapy I wish I could afford. The only thing is, I don't have people telling me how to solve my problems. I write them down here, examine them, and make my choices from there.
Angry. Angry that because I unfriended Fernando (yes, I used his real name. He hurt my feelings, so he doesn't earn a nickname.) he decided to lash out at me. Guess WHY I unfriended him? We don't talk. We aren't friends. We just worked together. I didn't really care to have him keep tabs on my life, and we don't talk at all for me to care about his life either. But, he was peeved about it because this is the message I received, and the inspiration for tonight's post:

Thanks for defriending me. I for sure won't miss you complaining about every little thing about life. Good riddance. I was about to do that you just beat me to it. Now someone else can take your negative energy.

Yeah, that happened. Feels like jr high all over again, when Brad told me my fat rolls were disgusting. I was thin then! Anyhow, I try to keep a lot of what I am thinking to myself, but I tend to put them down here. Newsflash: This blog is not being forced on ANY of you. You have the option to not read it. This is so much like the situations that happened at my last job. People calling to complain that they are in a lease they said they didn't read and now they have payments they weren't expecting. Well guess what. I didn't make you go to the store, put your banking information on the application, along with your social security number, and everything else. I didn't make you sign the contract without reading it. It's not my fault that you didn't ask questions about what you were getting into and took the sales reps word for it. (Sales reps are there for money, okay?? Get the full story before blindly giving out your personal information.) But, the option to use the financing is there. Just like this blog. You don't HAVE to read it. If you don't like what you read, then don't come back. I don't write this stuff solely for your entertainment. I am writing because I want to. They say a good writers write what they know. And guess what? I know what happened today, or whatever day I wrote the post. I write how I feel. Freedom of speech is still a thing, right??
Some of them are updates. Some of them are just funny stories to make you laugh. Other times, I had a really bad day and I needed to get it off my chest. I don't know how many people actually read them. Though having people read it is awesome. I write because I love it.
Now. I don't expect that all of you will believe this, but I am quite the same person on here as I am in real life. However, I have the tact to say things when I need to, or hold my tongue when it is appropriate. However, if I am able to be honest about something, I will be.
Now, a comment was made by someone, that they didn't know who would date me, or how I would get asked on dates because my posts sound so angry. Once again. Not very many people read this. Most of them are again, family members. And while marrying a family member is common in West Virginia,  guess what? I am not in West Virginia. I am in good ole Virginia. The rest of my family is in Utah, or Arizona. And my one uncle in Guam. Back to the topic. The people I date, the people I talk to, they KNOW me. They have seen me in high times and hard times. Most of them are there for me...to make me laugh. I LOVE THEM FOR IT. I might not say it as much as I should, but I do try to and let them know. 
Granted, my list of friends is pretty small. That is because I am picky about my friends. I don't need friends who make me cry or make me feel bad about myself. Nobody does. Who wants to talk to someone who acts like they are just tolerating you? Also, I have an amazing family. They are the best friends anyone can have. They take your side, they support you. And they love you unconditionally. But the friends I do have, I spoil because I love them. I would do anything for them [except move back to Utah.. at least not right now ;)] but I treat them how I want to be treated. I take friendships very seriously. Friends are one of the only things people have to get them through rough times. Some people can't count on their family. Or some people count their friends as their family. I know I do.
But the people who I am close to, they know my heart. I know theirs. And I would really REALLY appreciate it, that if you have problems with me or my blog, to voice them directly with me so I can talk to you about it. Please don't go talking to my family about me. My sister heard this comment (the one about me dating) and was so offended. So, come directly to me with your issues with me.Your complaints are about ME, so they don't need to go to anyone else. Besides, my mom can't actually make me do anything anymore since I am a legal adult.. and I live all the way across the country.
I still feel like I have more steam to blow off, but I will do that with push ups. For those of you who support me unconditionally, who make me laugh, and brighten up my days, I love you and I hope you know it. If not, I'll fix that ASAP.

Dating and Religion: Virginia vs. Utah

I have been feeling a little off this week. Why? Maybe sleep deprivation? Which is definitely my fault since I really don't have a whole lot of motivation to actually do anything. Basically, my day is sitting around and waiting to see if I get an email or call about a job or something? I also do dishes and sweep.. and sleep. It's really not very much. I don't mind too much. I just feel like a lazy lump.. and a leech. But who can complain about being off of work for a month??
I am starting to get a little discouraged. I have been praying for an answer on why the heck I am here. I was hoping things would fall into place a little faster. But nothing has really happened. Nada. Except my one and only job interview. Sometimes, I want to pack my bag and go home, but then when I think about it, I get that sinking feeling in my stomach like that isn't the right thing. So, I'm putting a time line on it. If I don't have anything by 3 months, I am going to just head back to Utah. Unless I want to look in Richmond area, but I really don't think that will help. Especially since I don't have a car yet. And I would have to find a job really quick so I could pay rent to live somewhere. Uuuuuugh. When I think about it all at once, I really wonder what I was thinking? And what the Lord is expecting to happen here.
It's been so crazy getting used to a lot of the slang here. The people. The general environment. I know I have been out of Utah before and all that, but I guess that there is just a small amount of culture shock. It's affecting my dating life. There are seriously NO LDS guys out here. Not that the guy I marry won't convert or something, but really? So many people ask me "What does LDS mean?" Well out here, as I said before, we are just Mormons. So I have to explain that. I thought I would be okay going out with people outside of the LDS religion. And I usually am. But! Out here, it seems that everyone doesn't just drink.. but they drink a LOT.
I know, I know. But here is the thing. I am determined to get married in the Manti temple. I don't want to give up that hope or the faith that could still happen. I have already given so much up and I am not willing to do it again. At least not yet. I don't think that's usually a typical thing the Lord asks you to give up? But what do I know? I'm not a divine being.
However, all this time alone has given me a lot of time to think about what I want and about the LDS church and all of that. I have gotten to do a lot of reading of church material. Hopefully, I will get some more clarity from that because sheesh. I am so lost right now. That is all I will say about that.
In fact, I think I am done for the night. This has been more than enough for me to process tonight. Not to mention that it is midnight here in VA and I think I did mention something about going to bed earlier than 5 am.. Should probably try to fall asleep now.. Well! Goodnight blog family! Love you all! I hope those of you in Utah are enjoying the snow! ;)

Southern Charm and East Coast Attitude

Wow! I have been in Virginia for over two weeks! I can hardly believe it! Let me tell you, there is so much less drama out here. My worries are minimal and strictly based around a job, a car, and then finding  place to live so I don't feel like I am living off of my awesome aunt and uncle! I swear, I haven't stopped laughing since I got here. Maybe a couple of days I did, but still I laughed through portions of those! I swear, I can't believe the terms that they come up with over here! Like one thing: "I swear! Every time those skillet pimps come over.." Skillet pimps!? Really! Yeah! That happens here! And if someone hasn't seen them "in a minute" that could be any length of time from a week, to any number of years! Goodness, you need a dictionary for all that! One thing. I have to try to hard not to slip into that southern twang. Sometimes it catches me but, I need to keep it at bay until I get a job. Hopefully it will help.
Well, I guess I am not being completely honest by saying my "drama" is based on those few things. One thing I have come to realize since I left is who my real friends are. It becomes more and more apparent as time goes on. Honestly, it breaks my heart when I think back to the weeks before I left. So many people saying "please keep in touch!" and "I want to see you before you go" and so on. I have tried to keep in touch with people. I know that I am no longer within a short driving distance.. (Try over 24 hours of driving) but I still would like to keep the friends I thought I had. Turns out I just have a lot of nice acquaintances. So tonight as I am watching Swan Princess and blogging here, I am having a Facebook Purge. Deleting the junk of people who are on there. Or the ones who just collect friends like scout badges. I pretty much kept family, a few friends that I talk to and that I care what is going on with them. That sounds harsh. But, if you just have a bunch of people clogging up your news feed, might as well thin it out. Lighten the load if you will.
One of the craziest things I have had to get used to out here is how many less LDS people there are. I mean, the family ward out here has like... 60 people.. and we meet in a strip mall. Right next to the liquor store. Yeah. And Belk.. and Food Lion. On the bright side, the (expensive) grocery store is just right there! With the minimal amount of LDS members, the dating scene is so different. I haven't actually gone on a date yet, but I have been on a few of those online things.
First off, boys out here are way more confident. They are not afraid to start a conversation. However, this means all the guys have it. Including the ones you wish didn't have it, so they talk to you and you're like... whaaaaat do I do now? Yeah, I went there. Also, I keep the "LDS" statement in my profile, and people have said... What is LDS?? Yeah, that hasn't really happened. I have gotten the questions about the Mormon religion in Utah, but not what is it! So weird.
A lot of guys out here are either active duty or have just gotten back. A lot love beer. Actually, they all love beer. And drinking. Which, hey, I guess that's cool as long as you don't make me do it. People out here really like to drink.
I went to a bar called 202 that is by Longwood University. It was college night. I tell you. I have never seen so many pitchers of beer or cups! And boy it was loud!! It was really fun though! I went with a girl that is near Farmville, but is LDS. We went there to dance! We didn't partake of any alcohol! Kindsey would be soo mad because she has always wanted to be there IF and that is a big IF I decided to drink and get drunk.
However, I am hopeful that I can find someone out here to have a good time with. Apparently all I need to do is gorilla run into Walmart and I would have numbers coming out my ears. This cracks me up! And anyone who is really close to me knows what the gorilla run is! If you don't, then that will make my dad happy because he abhors it!
Anyways. That is pretty much all I have for you guys. I love you and hope you are all in good health! XX