I have been feeling a little off this week. Why? Maybe sleep deprivation? Which is definitely my fault since I really don't have a whole lot of motivation to actually do anything. Basically, my day is sitting around and waiting to see if I get an email or call about a job or something? I also do dishes and sweep.. and sleep. It's really not very much. I don't mind too much. I just feel like a lazy lump.. and a leech. But who can complain about being off of work for a month??
I am starting to get a little discouraged. I have been praying for an answer on why the heck I am here. I was hoping things would fall into place a little faster. But nothing has really happened. Nada. Except my one and only job interview. Sometimes, I want to pack my bag and go home, but then when I think about it, I get that sinking feeling in my stomach like that isn't the right thing. So, I'm putting a time line on it. If I don't have anything by 3 months, I am going to just head back to Utah. Unless I want to look in Richmond area, but I really don't think that will help. Especially since I don't have a car yet. And I would have to find a job really quick so I could pay rent to live somewhere. Uuuuuugh. When I think about it all at once, I really wonder what I was thinking? And what the Lord is expecting to happen here.
It's been so crazy getting used to a lot of the slang here. The people. The general environment. I know I have been out of Utah before and all that, but I guess that there is just a small amount of culture shock. It's affecting my dating life. There are seriously NO LDS guys out here. Not that the guy I marry won't convert or something, but really? So many people ask me "What does LDS mean?" Well out here, as I said before, we are just Mormons. So I have to explain that. I thought I would be okay going out with people outside of the LDS religion. And I usually am. But! Out here, it seems that everyone doesn't just drink.. but they drink a LOT.
I know, I know. But here is the thing. I am determined to get married in the Manti temple. I don't want to give up that hope or the faith that could still happen. I have already given so much up and I am not willing to do it again. At least not yet. I don't think that's usually a typical thing the Lord asks you to give up? But what do I know? I'm not a divine being.
However, all this time alone has given me a lot of time to think about what I want and about the LDS church and all of that. I have gotten to do a lot of reading of church material. Hopefully, I will get some more clarity from that because sheesh. I am so lost right now. That is all I will say about that.
In fact, I think I am done for the night. This has been more than enough for me to process tonight. Not to mention that it is midnight here in VA and I think I did mention something about going to bed earlier than 5 am.. Should probably try to fall asleep now.. Well! Goodnight blog family! Love you all! I hope those of you in Utah are enjoying the snow! ;)
i hope you find your reason for being there.
ReplyDeletedon't give up.