Blog It Out

You know those nights, (or very VERY early mornings as the case may be) that your brain refuses to let you sleep? It has to ask all of these questions about every decision you've ever made? Start telling you stories from your past? Also makes your body temperature like.. 10 degrees hotter than it should be? That's me tonight. It's 3:00 am here in Virginia. My uncle will be getting up for work in 30 minutes, and leave in about an hour and a half. Then, a few hours after that, my aunt will get up and go to work as well. I am just hoping and praying I am asleep by that point.
But with my mind tossing and turning, I figured I could blog it out a little bit.
Today, I took a very very big step. I don't want to say exactly what this is, but it has a very significant and special meaning for me. I don't even need to say I hope it changes my life, because I know it will. Things like this always do. I have also been slightly freaking out about my calling in my new branch. Guys, I'm going to be in nursery. For Virginia, that is so different.  I am pretty sure there are 6 or 7 kids. That's all. Plus, one of the other people in nursery is an awesome girl who I am actually friends with.
However. I have some small problems with children. Well, more like I have problems with parents. I feel like most parents these days pawn their children off onto other people. Which, that is totally what nursery is for. But! They drop these kids off who they don't bother to raise. So they can all be really snotty. I am sure there are sweet ones too. Still. I am worried. I mean, if you have a kid who is naughty in Utah, and you tell their parents or try to teach the child that what they're doing isn't right, you get a really really irritated parent. They refuse to believe that their children could do anything like that. Well let me tell you, people. Most people are not just going to make up stories about your kids misbehaving. Most of the time, they are just wanting to let you know so you can maybe rectify the situation. So don't get all bent out of shape if they say that. My mom was never the one to say," Oh my kids would never do that!". She was the one that said, "Oh no. What did they do now..?". That's a better way of looking at it. I mean, maybe every once in a while, you'll get that one person who likes to make things up and lie about your kids. But you should always go in with an open mind and heart, so that if your child is old enough, you can try to communicate right and wrong. Kids are terribly smart. Some are smarter than their parents. (I know that sounds nuts, but I've seen it happen!)
So, I am all worried about nursery. Also. I found out at church this week that one of the families lost their baby. The wife was pregnant and at 22 weeks. That is usually a time frame that is past the danger point, or almost past the danger point for miscarriage. I feel so terrible for that family and that this is something they need to feel. I guess they had a miscarriage with the pregnancy before this one. It doesn't seem fair. There are too many people I know that have children, or keep having children when they can't handle the ones they have, or handle any at all. They pop them out like Stargate. But good people who try and try to have kids, they can't seem to have a pregnancy stick, or get pregnant at all. I wish I knew the answer for why that happens. Sadly, a lot of people who aren't ready for kids don't change after they have them. Some people think," Oh that is so what that person needs to grow up. Kids." But if you think about it, people who are kids themselves shouldn't exactly be reproducing. It just makes for unhappy kids and selfish/unhappy parents.
Also. Dating. Dating out here is so hard. Because the LDS singles in my area are like..um.. non-existent, I am having to check that other dating pool. The dating pool of guys who are religious, but they hate the LDS church, or the "Mormons" as we are referred to out here. And there are some really really good looking guys out here too. Seriously. But all of them drink. And it's not like.. a beer when they go home. It's like.. they get drunk to the point of killing brain cells and other people as well, every night. It's a college town. They all like to party. It honestly seems impossible at to meet someone out here. And yet, I haven't moved back to Utah yet, so that has to mean something.
However, I have been homesick a lot lately. I miss my family. I miss my dogs. I miss the few friends who I've kept in touch with since I left. I do have an excellent aunt and uncle out here that couldn't love me better if they tried. They love me (it feels like to me) as much as my own parents. They do everything to help me with anything I need. Like job hunting or a ride to the store. Anything. But there is just something about being around your immediate family. And I seriously miss the dogs!! How strange is that?! Well, actually it's not too strange. See, we have dogs out here too. Sable the Pomeranian, and Chip the Chihuahua. Neither of them are snuggly like Mazi or Socs. Either of those little boogers will climb up in your lap and stay there. And if you don't pet them, they will lick you to death until you do. Sable is just like a grumpy old lady who doesn't like to be pet, she is afraid of going across the wood floors, and every time the family leaves (even when I am still there) she howls like she is being killed. I was literally on the couch with her on the floor under the table today, and about 2 minutes after everyone else left, she starts moaning, then howling. She is 'flicked.
And Chip gets too excited to actually let your pet him. He also peed on my PJ pants. That was a fun night.
Anyways. I guess what I am getting at tonight, is that I still don't know what I am doing here, and that I miss my family and friends. I also miss dating guys I like. I sort of almost miss kissing. Then I think about my last experience and it turns me off to that whole idea again.
I also miss being all high spirited when it came to dating. I am going to let ya'll in on a little secret here. There was a point in high school where I liked this guy soooo much. Not in the same way as the missionary, but since we couldn't date, I was hung up on this other guy. We had so much in common. Plus, he was on the cocky side and I am a sucker for that. Anyways, he told me once he liked when girls had short hair. A week or so later, guess who had an A-line hair cut? I know. Not that I think always changing yourself for people is a good idea, but I miss my willingness to do things like that. Instead, I've just been bitter and sad. And more on the page of saying, If you don't like me the way that I am, you can just move along. I'm not sure which is the right way? Do you bend a little, or do you stay rigid and state that you get what you get? UUUGH DATING. Can I be done yet?
Anyways. I love you guys as always, and thank you for the support. You are wonderful. :)