Oh! My blog followers! ALL two of you! I am very sorry I've been so absent this week! I don't know what the problem is! But! I will rectify it immediately! Though, I don't have any stories to share, I DO have a few personal opinions to express! They range from what I think of stoners and their high opinion of themselves, to church. It's a pretty blog spectrum, don't you think?! It should be interesting.
I will start with the stoners. Oh my dear drug heads and successful lumps on logs! You are doing a FINE job of making those who like to live in reality VERY worried about how society is heading in a downward spiral. The reason this popped into my head is a post I read on facebook about how proud this girl was to be a stoner. I guess it does take some sort of talent to decide not to do ANYTHING but smoke pot. It's the talent of dedication. Though, if you're going to be so dedicated to something, why don't you actually be dedicated to a cause or something useful?! Make something of yourselves! The thing about those who decide to be of the concrete persuasion, is they have a LOT of potential for great things. The same goes for those who spend all of their time in a drunken stupor. The only reason I say this, is because I do have friends who chose to live this way, and I have seen what they are capable of when they have all of their wits about them. It is their choice to live how they want, but it is a pity to see such talent and progression go to waste.
Nextly, (yes, nextly) I want to talk about other sorts of decisions. My personal ones, and those made by others. How I envy the people who can do those things like party (occasionally) drinking booze and yucking it up. How they can meet a random stranger and hook up with them after 15 minutes of being acquainted. How they can hook up at all! After all, who hasn't met an attractive member of the opposite sex and thought, "I'd tap that." I know, I know. I'm LDS. This is something that is frowned upon, and highly discouraged. Acting upon it, let alone thinking about it is just inappropriate. I understand why. When you start moving a few things to Gutter Town, like a lamp or your clock, you think, well? I might as well just live here! That isn't the right way of thinking. Just because you mess up once, doesn't give anyone a free pass just bump uglies with any person. For some reason, I feel like this mostly applies to LDS members. Not that it doesn't apply to everyone, but when we slip up, we either repent, or go off the deep end. It would be best if we could avoid the deep end, no matter how brilliant a swimmer you are.
I think making good choices goes hand in hand with the people you surround yourself with. If you are more associated with light, then you will be more prone to living in light. The same goes if you surround yourself with darkness. This is not specific to LDS people. ANY person with common sense and an ounce of self preservation knows not to follow a crack addict down a dark ally when they know you have a wallet full of cash. Common sense. That's all it is. Even if you aren't LDS, you still choose the people you hang out with. Those with similar beliefs. Similar hobbies. Similar lifestyles. The list could go on and on. But, if you are trying to live within a specific set of rules, you're going to find it very hard to abide by them when you are flirting with things that toe the line. Now that I've managed to get extremely off track, let's get back to my choices.
Any of my close friends know that I am the unfortunate or fortunate (depending on how you look at it) bearer of the title VL. Virgin Lips for those of us who aren't fond of abbreviations. Now. I've made this choice based on a few things. I wish my religion was 100% the reason. It's not. An unrealistic standard of man created by none other than Walt Disney has had a hand in it. As well as one man I met. I will sum up my sob story into a few short lines. I've always wanted to marry a prince. If a prince was unavailable, then a returned missionary was a close second. If he was an RM Prince then HECK YES. Well, I met the man I thought I would spend my life with when I was 14, almost 15. He had everything I was looking for except for an unfortunate sock habit that I intended to change. In any case, throughout the years, we remained close friends, even while he served a full time mission. I can't even express my joy and excitement that final week when he came home. I swear my heart almost put holes in my chest. In any case, it didn't work out. (and in brief venting, I'm frustrated because I was never given a chance like I expected to get.) I was 16 when he left and 18 when he came home. This is plenty old enough to be making decisions like this. But, I decided, that since I loved this boy so completely, that I would wait till he came home to have my first kiss, because I wanted it to be special, and with someone I loved.
While he was gone and as it got closer to his homecoming, the letters got shorter and less frequent. My thought process for this was because he was busy trying to get everything done before he left. That's also what he told me. Even now, reading the letter, I never noticed a sign he was pulling away or had changed him mind. He must be a good liar. It took me A year and six months to actually go on another date after he left. I put my life on hold. Everything, because I had so much faith this would work out. Now looking back, I realize two things. The first, NEVER put all of your eggs in one basket unless you're absolutely sure it will be okay. Second, the Lord must've been looking out for me. When I started dating right before he got home, it made it a little easier to cope. Not that it wasn't hard. It still is. Even two years later. At least now, I can make jokes and use his name. (For the sake of the blog, I'm not going to!) But, there is probably going to be the painful squeeze until I find someone who can fill that spot.
This is the reason. No amount of making out with empty people is going to make that hole better. It doesn't do any good. Not until I feel the same way times ten as I did about this young man.Though I would be lying if I said I didn't want to. Lately, I've wanted to throw all caution to the wind. I want to find some sexy man tower, and just let it all go. But the guilt I would feel after that is not worth ANY amount of temporary pleasure. I hope my future husband feels the same way. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to find an LDS guy who has saved himself for his wife. I know, I know. You fall in love. Things escalate. But. I would hope that the man I choose KNEW that his wife was out there doing the same thing: waiting to find him. No amount of sex with someone you loved once and left could amount to the love that you feel loving someone for eternity and being willing to save that part of yourself for them.
Now, my last point tonight is going to be a little hard to express. The reason being that any of my friends could read this post and worry if it's them. I want to express my frustration, but without any harm to those I care about. This pertains to the calling of Visiting Teaching. It is a GREAT idea. Not just in theory, but when it is done correctly, it can have so much power over the people you come into contact with. Lately however, I've felt like the Singles Ward Project. (It should be a reality show.) Let me explain why. I love being LDS. I love the hope it gives me, the love I feel from my family and the Lord and His son. But, I have a very hard time attending church. That is one thing I need to work on. When it boils down to basics, it is would you rather sleep, or sit in church for three ours while people ramble on and on, while women cry in such a way that everyone loses the spirit and becomes embarrassed to look at anything except their own knees. Sleep wins 9 times out of 10. But, in my choice, I've now become a "less active". How humiliating. When people ask when I last read my scriptures, and I tell them, they act so surprised. It's offensive really! Funny, but offensive. But! My visiting teachers are great people. I love them dearly. The hitch in this, is that it feels like nothing more than a calling. It hardly feels like a genuine interest in anything. Not that it is completely impersonal because it's not. It just feels like something is missing. That is the reason visiting teaching is such a chore to people. They look at it as a job. Not a service. And if they are looking at it as a service, the intent is not always pure. That is the most frustrating part. I hope for those that I've visit taught, that they know I love them! They are two of the most wonderful girls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting! I hope that we'll be able to become friends in more than a visiting teaching way.
Now that I'm a less active, other members feel the need to put some pressure on me. What is happening, isn't bad. But, it is stressful.Introducing new people to me, and leaving me to fend for myself. This is a bad example, but it's the only one I can think of now. I am a person who is content just being alone most of the time. If I feel like conversing, I will. But once you get introduced to someone and get left alone, you have no choice but to attempt a conversation with a stranger. Nobody wants to feel like they have no choice in the matter. The hardest part about my ward, is that the girls are all so much older than me. Men are so immature, it's easy to relate with older men. Women however grow up faster. Some are able to meet halfway with those who don't have their life figured out, while others remain lofty and unable to understand the thoughts of the less mature females that don't have any idea where they're going in life. It's frustrating to not have anyone to identify with. They can say," Oh, I've been there" but it means a lot less than someone saying,"I know exactly how you feel! I can't decide either! Maybe we can help each other make a decision or two!" You can't relate with someone you don't have anything to relate to.
Anyways! That is all for my super long blog tonight! I had to make up for lost time. Don't forget to follow and comment because blogging is NO FUN without feed back!
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